Wednesday, November 9, 2011

Hell Week

I fucking love fall.

It's my favourite season of the year.

Being a gardener, you'd think spring would be my favourite season of the year.

Being a North Carolinian gardener, I say balls to spring. Balls!

It's too damn short.

"Fuck, it's freezing!...Ooh, it feels nice outside...Fuck, it's hot!"

It happens that quickly. Then you're in for 5 or 6 months of hellacious heat and humidity.

If you ever have the magnificent good fortune to meet up with me in person in the summertime in North Carolina, you may notice the exotic fragrance that surrounds me everywhere I go.

It's brimstone. You get used to it.

Here, fall lasts a little longer than spring. We get a good three months of nice-ish temps before the Frozen Tundra of January happens.

Not really. It doesn't get all that cold, and the ground never truly freezes.

I just wanted to hear the collective scoffing sound from my Canadian friends.

Yesterday, I planted an assload of bulbs.

I planted more of these parrot tulips, because they were so awesome last year:

As well as more of these daffodils (wow, that's an old's from when I first came here. I was so proud of myself):

Those 'fucking daffodil bulbs' I mentioned in the last post were ready to be put in the ground!

The only problem was that there were 50 of them. Which turned out to be more like 80, once I counted what was in the bag.

Plus the 36 parrot tulip bulbs.

I started at about 8am yesterday, and didn't 'finish' until 12.

And by 'finish', I mean I got maybe half of them planted. I sweated more than Chaz Bono on 'Dancing with the Stars'.

I wanted to get the rest of them in the ground, but my back wouldn't cooperate.

"Fuck this shit!" said My Back.

"Shut the hell up. Quit complaining. I want to get this done today!" I said.

''Don't you just want to go on the computer or something? Sit in the nice comfy computer chair and bullshit with your friends? Post pictures of lolcatz? Did I mention the chair is comfy?"

"No. I hate wasting my day when the sun is shining. I want to be outside. I want to make my yard pretty."

"Fuck the yard!" yelled M.B. "I mean," it said more quietly, "your yard looks nice enough. And I'm so tired."

"Stop whining."

"Ok," said M.B. "Have it your way. But when you go to work later, I'll make you sorry. Bitch."

My back is such an asshole.

It did make my life hell last night. I had to put the final touches on the dreaded holiday set at the store. The district manager is coming in today for a final review.

It's a good thing I've been working so hard and running around so much the last couple of weeks though, because with all the stress eating I've done I should be 300 lbs.

But today I'm taking it easy. Perfect day to sit back and watch the leaves fall.

And a quiet back is a happy back.


Liz said...

Hi Kyna,

*whispers quietly that she planted around 400 bulbs this autumn*

Good on you for getting your bulbs in and I am sure your tulips will look awesome in spring :)

Now, get yourself a nice cool beer and relax with those falling leaves.

Kyna said...

Jesus Christ.

You must have thighs of steel.

John Gray said...

you have a dirty mouth
you motherfucker!


Curbstone Valley Farm said...

Kyna, you're clearly not bulb-planting with power tools. The only way I can plant hundreds of bulbs in the fall, is power tools. Steal Chuckles' cordless drill, and invest in a bulb-planting auger ;) Really, it's fun, and your back will quit whining, I promise :P

Can't wait to see all those parrot tulips in spring. Bloody deer eat all our tulips here...pigs.

Cal's Canadian Cave of Coolness said...

Push the button under the moose statue that I want to send you just in case of emergencies, particularly gardening ones. Then we ship out our team of professional cool weather specialists and gardening experts so that you can have a cool drink while they fix your garden. It's getting cold here but I think I prefer it to you situation.

Cal's Canadian Cave of Coolness said...

I forgot to see that you are planting tulips. Name one after me and lets see how that one does...k?

Kyna said...

John: Actually I think my back has more of a potty mouth than I do :P

I write how I talk in real life. So I take 'motherfucker' as a term of endearment. You must really love me! :)

Clare: Power tools?? To plant bulbs?? I'm old school!

But my back isn't having any of it, so I may try that next year LOL.

Cal: Haha! The first one that pops out of the ground will be 'Cal', I promise :D

Jess said...

Kyna - I was going to say just what Clare said. You say you want old school until you do it the dozen bulbs in 10 minutes way. Yes, you heard me, 10 minutes.

And my back isn't the asshole, its my knees. God they suck.

Rohrerbot said...

Love fall!!! Best time of year....and also the time when it's best to be outside working in the garden. 2 weeks ago I was attacked by something in my yard and they bit my arm up....crazy stuff. With the cold here, they've disappeared and the bugs are gone!!! Enjoy it!!!

Kooky Girl said...

Fall is lovely, but I can't be doing with planting bulbs. I just can't, one day maybe... Bulbs annoy me. Yours look pretty though. :o)

biobabbler said...

Okay, now I'm thinking maybe I DO need to buy some bulbs...

I don't use power tools as a) I'm a raging planet-hugging conservation biologist, b) I'm too lazy (trust me, in a way it makes sense), c) I'm afraid of gasoline/explosions, etc. =)

AND I love doing things old school and then benefiting from all the calories burned. I feel so PROUD when I limp around all sore the next 2 days. =)

Those parrot tulips are NUTS. Good motivation. THANKS! =) Just gotta remember to line EVERYTHING w/ aviary wire or I'm just feeding the gophers. xo

Anonymous said...

Obviously you were listening to the conversation that my back and I had the other day. I didn't see you lurking nearby! But I did get those bulbs planted and even managed to go to work later. But My Back had his revenge!