Never Said I Was a Lady

Meh. I'll Get To It Later.

Nobody procrastinates like I can procrastinate.

In fact, I meant to write this post months ago. Somehow I just kept putting it off.

Now that I'm nearing 30 (only 10 days now, yikes!!) I have a lot less opportunity to procrastinate.

When I was younger and unmarried and lived by myself, I could let the dishes pile up for 3 weeks and no one cared. Especially not me. I would use every dish in the cupboard before I would finally force myself to wash them.



Disgusting of me, I know. But you all love me anyway.

I could never get away with that now. Chuck would have a shit-fit, and then I'd be getting divorced.

I still have my 'guilty procrastinations' though.

Like phoning people.

I will put off phoning people until I'm forced to do it. Or until Chuck says, "You're being ridiculous. It's just a phone. Fine. What's the number? Did I mention you're being ridiculous? I'll just phone them for you."

And of course I let him. A good husband'll do that.

My life would be so much easier if phones weren't The Devil.



And laundry. Oh, Laundry! How I loathe thee.



The only reason I tend get away with rarely doing the laundry, is because most of the time I keep my mess of clothes confined to two areas. Piled in the corner on my side of the bed, or piled in my closet. And Chuckles does his own laundry.

Occasionally he will walk by my closet, or have to walk around to my side of the bed to say goodbye in the morning, and I'll hear a very heavy *SIGH*.

That's when I know I can't get away with it much longer.

This time.

What else?

Pulling weeds is another bad one for me.




Not that any gardener ever looks forward to pulling weeds (all right, I'm sure there are a few sickos out there who do enjoy doing this), but I HATE it.

Once the heat really kicks up, you'd need a machete to get through all the weeds in my garden. Because I just can't be arsed.

You know, I went searching for a picture of someone unhappy pulling weeds on the internet, and the bastards are ALL SMILING?? W...T...F.

Today I'm procrastinating on making up the store map. I can't procrastinate with many things at my job, but this is one of them. I know I've mentioned it before, but I'm responsible for placing each month's displays at my store. I have to make up a map and a map key so everyone else can find the displays easily.

Usually takes about two hours of unpaid work at home. It's due next Thursday, but I will be off on vacation. I thought this morning would be the perfect time to get it out of the way.

Get it done early!!

Carpe mapem! Seize the Map!

Right.

I decided to write this blog post to procrastinate a little. Because it's in my nature. It's expected.

"I'll have plenty of time after I post this. Plenty of time!" I reasoned.

Then Chuckles gave me a call to come meet him for lunch and visit yet another huge and beautiful waterfront home (I'm so pissed I didn't bring my camera) he's drywalling in near the beach in Emerald Isle.

Of course I said yes right away. I took off so fast that I left jet trails behind me. The map sitting forgotten and forlorn.

Me? I was anything but forlorn! I had a nice tasty burger, and then went to check out the massive house.

"What do the homeowners do?" I asked Chuck.

"They're eye surgeons," he replied.

Figures. I totally took the wrong career path in school.

I was looking at the time, thinking I should get back home. I told Chuck so.

"Oh. I thought you might want to go out back and check out the private pier and sit by the water for awhile."

Did I mention Chuck is The Devil? (Ok, I think I said phones are The Devil. But Chuck comes close. Look, he has the horns and the tail to prove it!)



Of COURSE I wanted to go down and walk out on the dock. As I was taking the loooooooong trip down to the end of it, I was imagining all of the rich neighbours wearing their monocles, peering out their high windows, yelling and pointing, "Impostor!!"

Of course that didn't happen. But I kept looking over my shoulder just in case.

It was beautiful out today. Sunny and in the 80's.I thought about the time again, and decided I had better head home, because I had to finish the map and then get to work because I close tonight.

I reluctantly left the beautiful house. I could have just stood there all day with a stupid look on my face, sniffing the large amounts of confederate jasmine they had on huge trellises.



I get home and look at the map.

Then I look at the computer.

Then I look at the map.

Then back at the computer.

I just can't go to work this afternoon with a half-finished blog post draft burning a hole in my PC.

So here I am.

Did I mention I have till next Thursday to get the map done?

Blogger is The Devil.

Little Boxes, On The Hillside...

Weeds.



Remember a few posts back, I said that I had lost my garden Mojo?

The weeds were bad then, but they got even worse, as you can see from the photos.



I've discovered that my Mojo has been kidnapped.

Whoever's got my Mojo held hostage is one mean bastard. Do know what they did the other day?

Mailed me one of my Mojo's fingers!!



In the ransom note, they said that if I didn't weed my garden, they'd cut off the rest of my Mojo's fingers one by one.

And if I still didn't weed my garden?

You don't even want to know what they said they'd start cutting off my Mojo next!



So I got down down to business. It was super hot out, nasty humidity. When I came out the door, garden gloves in hand, it felt like I was stepping into someone's mouth.



That one behemoth of a weed you can see in the center of the above photos of my garden had literally become a TREE. When I pulled it out, it uprooted like 5 other plants next to it, including one of my oriental lilies.

My azalea had some sort of weird spiky tumour growing out of it. These kind of weeds gave it up more easily than the one above, though.


Hopefully I've done enough that my Mojo will be returned [mostly] intact.

I have a nasty feeling of who might have my garden Mojo...



And if she does, I'm screwed. She's one tough cookie. With a mean set of clippers. And she knows I'm anti-drug.

My Mojo is doomed. :(

I'm Working On My Purple Belt In Zumba

Actually, I think I'm working on my purple face in Zumba.



If you don't know what Zumba is, I'll tell you (if I can catch my breath).

My friend Andie invited me to her Zumba class as her guest this morning. For my first time ever. It's a new-ish exercise craze that is a cross between Latin dancing, aerobics, kickboxing, and good old fashioned calisthenics.

Actually, it's mainly ass-shaking. Mystikal style. You shake your ass....rotate your hips in a circle...shake ya ass...do some roundhouse kicks....shake ya ass....do some pelvic thrusts...shake ya ass...

You get the picture. Of my ass.



In fact...*peers over her shoulder*...I do believe it's still jiggling. Like the aftershocks of an earthquake.

What am I on about?

Well, I really should have entitled this post, 'Things I've Been Doing Instead Of Gardening".

Look at this crap. If you can even see it. Through all the weeds.



I feel like someone has stolen my garden mojo. Or at least my will to pull weeds and make my garden pretty.



It's been so hot and rainless, and I've been trying to keep up with watering...I just don't have the energy to pull the weeds.

I know, excuses, excuses. But when there hasn't been a day below 90F/32C with humidity that makes it feel much hotter for a month straight...it wears on you.

And suddenly you find other things to do. Inside things. Air conditioned things.

Things like friggin' Zumba.

Dear God, I never want to eat a cheeseburger ever again.



But I do hope someone will find my garden mojo and return it.

Amen.