Wednesday, February 9, 2011

F.U. Snow

Dear Snow,

You will find enclosed a photograph that I took of my garden this morning. In case you aren't sure of what you are looking at, those are daffodils.

Daffodils. The sunny, bright flower that foreshadows the coming of spring.

SPRING, Snow, Spring.

I'm seriously thinking about issuing a restraining order against you. Everyone thinks I moved here to North Carolina to be with Chuck. He's awesome and it's a nice place to live. But what they don't realize is that I really came to the States to escape you.

You smothered me, Snow. When I asked you to stop coming around, you didn't listen. I'd come out the front door, and there you'd be waiting. Against the wall. Sitting on my car. Waiting for me in the parking lot at work.

And now you've followed me out of the country.

How can I be smug to my friends in Canada when you keep visiting me? They sneer and scoff at me when I tell them you've stopped by only for a moment. They don't believe that such a fleeting visit by you can be so unpleasant or dangerous.

I know the truth. And I'm not taking it anymore, do you understand me??

I'm in love with Spring now. You'll just have to get over me. Move on. Quit stalking me, or I'll have to take drastic measures.

I heard through the grapevine that you're going to try to ambush me in the middle of the night tonight. If you come by, you'll find me on the front step with a bag of salt and an ice scraper. Yes, that IS a threat.

Don't write or call,



ONG said...

I am doing my best to gather all my friends and family and convince them to head way south. I hate snow. I hate skiing. I hate people who like snow and skiing. My eyes hurt from the snow glare. Snowmen are overrated and never really look like they make you think they do. And snowball fights are not cute - my wife and I have never thrown one at each other, giggled and then embraced. And hot chocolate sucks too. Only good thing about winter is the NHL and my Rangers are sucking lately too.

Turling said...

Please, please, please, please post the approved restraining order once the courts approve it. That would be AWESOME! Oh, and it's going to be 79 today here. Yea, remember, I'm THAT kind of guy.

Donna said...

I love it...had just about all I can take with 130 inches and more coming...and ONG I hate skiing too so why are we still here??

biobabbler said...

Hee. That's kindoflike what happened when I left Michigan (grad school) to go back home to California. The weather love I was leaving forever (as in SO out of love) was ICE. If I NEVER, EVER had to walk on ice as long as I lived, I'd be stoked. The ultimate was leaving my house at 5 a.m. (brutal enough, to STUDY, ew), taking ONE step out into the frigid world, still sleepy, and sWOOP BAM! I slide and land on my ass.

You might imagine I was in a bad mood, then. =)

Hope your snow melts soon. Try watching old westerns--lots of dry, sunny landscapes. That's what I did. =)

Anonymous said...

Dear Kyna, I do not suppose for a moment that you would like to swap for some very dreary grey drizzle....and, of course, mud? I can make a very respectable cup of tea, however, as compensation!!

Becca's Dirt said...

I know you are sick of it. I am more than ready for spring. Bring it on.

Liz said...

Hi Kyna,

Classic post, I do hope you dodge your unwanted stalker.

If he does come back, kick him in the nuts and run.

I love Speing too, snow is ok for 5 minutes, any longer and it's so unwelcome.

Pam's English Garden said...

Dear Kyna, I do hope Snow is listening to you! P x

Marguerite said...

Dear Kyna, I last saw my compost bin a week or two ago and I miss it. I can't find the outlet on the side of the house to plug my truck in. The front steps have mysteriously disappeared. Can you please come visit and threaten the snow into submission here? I'd be ever so grateful. ~M

Mey said...

Dear Kyna,
I would love to get a hold of you via email. Please let me know what is the best way to contact you

ChickenFreak said...

Hee. :)

I have nothing useful to say, I just wanted to let you know that this made me laugh.

Kyna said...

ONG:Nobody sucks as hard as my Oilers do right now. Bottom of the league. *sigh*

Turling: Well, the threat worked. No snow. So no drastic measures. And next week, we're supposed to be back in teh 70's. So you don't have the burden of being 'that guy' for too much longer :P

Donna: 130 inches, eh? Bleah. I don't miss THAT.

Bio: Hm....old westerns...Clint Eastwood....I'm warm now! :D


Edith: Tea with you would make up for mountains of mud. :)

Becca: You said it. This is the South, what's with all these crappy winters? When I first started talking on the phone with Chuck it was 2004, I remember calling him on Christmas and it was 80 degrees. What happened? I was duped!

Liz: Did I ever tell you the story of when I almost kicked a clown in the nuts in front of my mum? No? I'll have to sometime, you just reminded me of it. :)

Pam: It listened! And this week is supposed to be nice. I hope I've chased him away until at least next year.

Marguerite: Well, hopefully I scared him towards California instead of Canada. Turling deserves a dose of it, after the comment he made above. Weirder things have happened. :P

Mey: Well, I don't give out my email without knowing about a person, plus I'm not going to publish my email address on here at this time. I don't use it much anyway. I'm more of a Facebooker. Tell me about yourself and leave a way to get a hold of you and I won't publish it.

Kyna said...

Chicken: Thanks! You don't need to say anything useful to comment on MY blog, I don't usually have anything useful to say either. :)

Byddi - We didn't come here for the grass said...

Seriously Kyna if you want to escape the weather (for me it was rain and not snow being from Ireland and all that) California is the place to go!

Loved your post - creative and funny!

Shyrlene said...

Kyna - well done! You really know how to give 'someone' the heave-hoe. How did it work for you? Did Snow get the hint? (sometimes they are thick as a brick)

CanadianGardenJoy said...

What can I say to this letter EXCEPT that I have to suffer through it all still so stop being SMUG madam !!!!
You know .. I think number one son purposely married a gal from South Carolina just because he hates winters too ????? oops ... the cat is out of the bag now ! eeekkk !
Joy wink wink