Monday, March 21, 2011

I Should've Married the Toilet King of Tennessee

The weather was beautiful this last weekend. Chuck decided to take the day off and spend it with me on Friday, to cheer me up.

Who couldn't cheer up with a face full of sunshine? And a face full of Chuckles, for that matter!

We drove up the coast to Beaufort, which I've written about in the past.

We ate lunch by the water, eating outside whilst everyone else at the restaurant was inside. I kept imagining the regular diners gazing out at us with disdain.

"Must be Canadians," they'd sniff.

The wind off the water was a little nippy, but we were sitting in the sun and it was really nice.

Chuckles enjoyed some fish & chips, and I had a juicy burger. I usually order fish when I'm in Beaufort. It's a seaside town for goodness sake! But sometimes a girl's just gotta have some meat.

Like the dirty rat he is, Chuck snagged the seat facing into the sun. So I coerced him to switch with me after awhile.

What am I gazing lazily at?

I'd like to say that I was staring out at quaint fishing boats...wild horses running across the island over the waterway...or even chicks in string bikinis.

Nope. I was staring at this giant, ostentatious, $10 million yacht called the 'Syrenka'.

I imagined that it was the yacht of some rich, Russian diplomat. Or maybe this guy.

Then I remembered that it was docked in North Carolina. Yeah. It's more likely the ocean-plaything of the Toilet King of Tennessee. There's big money in toilet-manufacturing, don't ya know? Too bad I didn't find THAT guy on the internet.

(I really want a boat, by the way. I used to be really, really afraid of them. Now I'm planning on buying one myself, one day. Just a small one. We're gonna call it 'Not-A-Yacht'. Most couples sit around and dream about what their future kids will be named. We dream about what our future boat will be called. I love my life.)

We had just paid the check, and Chuck spotted some dolphins frolicking in the waterway past the restaurant.

I realized as we raced from the restaurant to follow the dolphins that it probably looked like we were trying to skip out on the check. Chasing dolphins like fools. Really. I imagined more audible scoffs from the indoor diners.

I still can't wrap my head around seeing dolphins just swimming by in nature. Do you know what my first encounter with dolphins was?

At the mall.

My hometown city's claim to fame is having one of the five largest shopping malls in the world, West Edmonton Mall. It was actually the largest in the world for the span of about 23 years.

It used to have a little fake lagoon, which housed 3 real dolphins. In the middle of a freaking mall.

There were protests for years. One by one, the dolphins died off. They finally decided to nix the dolphin idea a few years ago. The protesters were satisfied. Victory at last! Tree-huggers everywhere rejoiced.

What did the mall do next? They replaced them with sea lions. Funny enough, no one protests.

Guess no one gives a crap about a sea lion.

Anyway, I was trying to get a picture of these dolphins swimming by in their natural habitat. I couldn't get a good shot. There were too many fake Russian yachts in the way.

We decided to take a short ride up to Fort Macon and walk around on the beach. It was windy as hell, but still so beautiful.

There's a huge state seaport near there in Morehead City. Big, industrial. Not pretty at all, but very interesting and did I mention, massive?

Hey....those look like...

Wow. Chuckles is SO immature.

(Not really, I totally made him pose. It was too awesome an opportunity. You should have seen the looks we got from the people fishing from a nearby dock. If you still don't know what I'm on about, put on your reading glasses and click the picture to make it bigger.)

He christened them 'The Boobs' and says it looks like they're wearing a 'Cross-Your-Heart' bra.

I thought this schoolboy humour was going to be the highlight of the rest of the trip, but then we ran into some old friends...

I just about ran around screaming, 'DOLPHINS!!!'. Like I'd never seen 'em before.

Well, I have.

In a mall.

Do you see how close to the shore they were swimming? The sand just drops off quite deeply, so it looks like they were nearly beaching themselves, but they weren't. I bet they were eating all the bait off the hooks of the many fishermen out that day.

Sorry the pictures are crap. Dolphins are tricky little bastards. This one could be a sea lion with a dolphin fin strapped to his head, for all I know. Sea lions are even trickier than dolphins. Jealous too. Never trust a sea lion.

Nothing could top the impromptu dolphin show, so we decided to head home and relax in the sun on the back porch. Chuck was still being a ham (pun intended). Feed a man some 'Broons, and this is what happens.

Amazing, amazing weather. Most of the year, I'm so homesick for Canada that it's ridiculous. But right now?

'Nuff said.


Alison said...

Sounds like a very relaxing trip! My husband would totally have posed just like Chuck in that picture with the boobs. They would so get along. saw dolphins! You should come to the Puget Sound area. We have killer whales.

The Garden Ms. S said...

Dolphins, beer and boobies -spring must have arrived! :)

(Now tell her to get up here to Edmonton!) :)

Jess said...

This would be a perfect post if you could get Chuck to quit wearing that Tarheels thing...

The Idiot Gardener said...

I get hacked off with people telling me how intelligent dolphins are. Bascially, they swim around in the sea, and that's it. Did a dolphin ever invent the internal combustion engine? Don't think so. Did a dolphin ever put a man (or even another dolphin) on the moon. That's a negative, Bob. Did a dolphin ever develop a cure for cancer. I think we know the answer.

Imagine the conversation over breakfast.
'Shall we invent something today?'
'No, screw that, let's just swin in circles.'
'We could always go to the mall.'

Yep, that's intelligence on a plate.

This over-the-top adulation for a mammal that can't even work out it isn't a fish is a crime. All dolphins do is swim in the sea, and attract hordes of people who must swim with them for their inner harmony.

Let's be honest here; if I found out I had but a short time left to live, I'd want to go swimming with hookers in a lake of wine, not some pseudo-intelligent mammal-fish.

The other thing thast pisses me off about dolphins is this whole 'dolphin-friendly tuna' thing. It's okay to catch tuna, but not dolphins? When did that become law, because try eating a dolphin and you'll be lynched.

Let's compare the two. The 'intelligent' dolhin swims in the sea, in its own pooh, and does little else. The humble tuna swims in the sea in its own pooh, and tastes great seared.

Case closed.

Melissa said...

What a great day. We, too, are outside-sitters, and people stare at us.

And great job on the dolphin picks! Those suckers ARE hard to photograph...unless you're at a mall.

Liz said...


Dolphins in a mall.... Or any other animal for that matter..................
A large fish tank I could understand, or maybe a large bird enclosure... But why Dolphins (or Sea lions?)


Our local shopping mall has a 'big nipple', the large dome at the centre of the mall.
If meeting anyone there I'll tell them to meet me at the big nipple, because I'm like soooooo mature.

Kyna said...

Alison: Killer whales?? You win :)

Ms S: Nothing says spring like bewbies! :) I DO miss Edmonton though. Badly. Even though I know I can't plant anything until after Victoria Day (no one knows what that is, it's Memorial Day).

Jess: Who do YOU cheer for? :) Is it the GAMECOCKS?? I love saying Gamecocks. I feel dirty. But legitimate.

I pull for the Heels. But only because I'm happier when Chuck's happy. He's a HUGE fan. I couldn't give a shit about basketball otherwise.

IG: You sound as if you have dolphin issues buried somewhere in your past.

Were you molested by a dolphin? An innocent altar boy with a lecherous dolphin priest? Was your stepdad a dolphin? Did he make you turn tricks? Like balancing a big red ball on your nose?

Or a PAIR of big red balls on your nose???

I'm intrigued.

Melissa: Well, normally I'm not an outside sitter in the summertime. There are way too many bugs here, and the sun is to hot to sit outside past May 1. But right now? Beautiful!

Liz: 'West Ed' (as we lovingly call it) has a sea lion tank, a waterpark, an amusement park complete with roller coaster, a golf driving range, a mini-golf park, a rifle-range, a 16-theater movie-plex, and an ice-skating rink. Hell, I'm surprised they don't have the sea lions ice skating.

You're about as mature as me. Which is AWESOME. :)

Marguerite said...

No way I could possibly be homesick for freezing cold old Canada when you're frolicking by the ocean watching dolphins! (I totally remember those dolphins at the mall! When I was 13 West Edmonton Mall was my favourite place in the world. yikes did I just admit that on the internet..)

greggo said...

Yeah I had a great time with my spouse on her day off also. Isn't life great in Americuh..

Jayne said...

Sounds like you had a great day out. The over the top yacht probably belongs to some drug lord.