Tuesday, May 3, 2011

Itch? I Don't Feel Itchy...

Chuck and I have been married for 5 years today.

This is a picture from our wedding day. Definitely NOT the Royal Wedding.

No Prime Minister, no fanfare, no money, no wedding dress...

No crazy hats.

Just in case there are a few of you who are new and don't know, we got married soon after Chuck had a lung removal due to cancer. Our wedding was the day before his second round of chemo [the reason for the cue-ball look]. And 4 days before I was supposed to go back to Canada.

"Chuck, I don't really want to leave."

"I don't want you to leave either."

"You want to get married?"


What a proposal eh? I didn't even get down on one knee.

Our wedding day was not glamourous.

We got married at the Jacksonville courthouse soon after it opened up for the day.

We only had two witnesses, Chuck's daughter Lindsay and her cousin Steffen (Chuck's ex-wife's nephew, which is sort of amusing :P )

We exchanged vows and rings that we picked up at Target.

Chuck took us out for breakfast at Cracker Barrel afterwards.

We went to a park in Jacksonville to take these pictures. I didn't have the money to buy a new dress, so I had to squeeze myself into one that was too small for me. Oh well. I still think I looked nice.

One crazy thing I remember was that when we pulled up to the park, there was a tall, huge birdhouse. There was a little bird that had strangled itself on a bit of string, and was dangling from the platform of the birdhouse. Isn't that macabre??

I hoped that wouldn't be a bad omen. O_O

We topped everything off with dinner for two at Red Lobster. I probably could have sprung for a dress if we didn't have dinner at Red Lobster.

But you know me. I'd rather eat than have a new dress.

Our wedding day was not traditional. But we had fun! The marriage is important, not the wedding.

Unless you're Prince William and Kate Middleton. ;)

But wait!!

Before you congratulate me...

Apparently, Chuck and I should be getting divorced!


Apparently, there is a phenomenon called the Five-Year-Itch.

Can't these people add?? It's supposed to be 7 years! 7, damn you!

Well, I don't feel itchy. And I haven't seen Chuck scratching. Much.

He let me post pictures of him in a tiara, for God's sake. I think that means he still loves me?

Shit! I just caught myself scratching my ankle! Is that where it starts? From the ground up?

*peeks at ankle*

Whew! It's just a bug bite. Maybe we'll be ok for the next few years...

Do you know what I think the keys are to a long and happy marriage? Speaking from my loooooooooooooong 5 years of experience?

1. Start out with the hard parts first. Not recommending that any of you start it off with cancer, but something else equally difficult. If you can get through that? The rest is gravy.

2. Separate bank accounts. We may fight, but it's never about money.

3. Go out on dates. (I meant with each other, you lechers!) Seriously, make time for yourselves. Go on a picnic. See a movie. Go to dinner. Have sex in the afternoon. Hell, go canoeing together. Have sex in your canoe. Whatever.

4. Be honest with each other. Honesty creates trust. Lies get you divorced.

5. Shit. I can't think of another one. I really don't know what else keeps us married. Being poor maybe?

It's cheaper to keep her. ;)

Especially if she's crazy.


The Idiot Gardener said...

Mrs IG and I have been together now for 16 years. One day I must get around to marrying her ... but I have a hankering for a Speed Triple at present!

Our secret? Dunno; you'd have to ask her. I don't even keep her locked in the cellar. Well, not any more!

Daricia said...

what a great story you have! sounds like a lovely way to get married to me. congratulations on your 5 years! may you have many more years together -- and may they be itch free.

Zoe said...

I always love your posts about love, Kyna. The way you talk about your relationship is encouraging to the point that it actually makes me feel a little better about the world :) Congratulations to you two on building a life together that is real and fun!

Curbstone Valley Farm said...

Happy anniversary you two! I absolutely agree, it's about the marriage, not the wedding. After 16 years of living in sin, we eloped! :P Without all that fuss and bother of a fluffy wedding, I actually enjoyed my day, and it looks like you two had a blast too! It's each other that's important, not abbeys and gilded coaches :)

Carlin said...

OMG, best line ever. "He let me post pictures of him in a tiara, for God's sake. I think that means he still loves me?"

Happy Anniversary! You guys rock together!

Alison said...

Congrats on five years! I have 30 with my crazy guy. I hope you two get to that point too. We started off going through some difficult stuff too, not as bad as cancer, though. We proposed marriage to each other on our first date.

Love your dress. You do look nice.

I skipped over the hat picture at first, and just realized there is a cat coming out of that ribbony toilet bowl. LOL

Liz said...


Happy Anniversary! I hope you're having a nice celebration :)

What would be my advice?? Although I'm not married as such, we've been together coming up to 11 years; which is marriage, surely?! :D
Well... urm... lol.
Although I would agree having separate bank accounts is a good idea, we do have a joint account but purely for bills. Wages go into out own accounts and we move whatever's needed across.

CanadianGardenJoy said...

"Kyna and Chuckles up in a tree .. misssing .. ? LOL
Hey congratulations "kids' .. your rules for a happy marriage are good even for a vetern of 34 years of marriage .. wink wink .. the sense of HUMOUR is a huge, gotta' have THAT type of thing .. and you two have it .. so don't lose it !!
Now go out to Red lobster and celebrate !!!
Joyous from Canada eh !

CanadianGardenJoy said...

I can't reread my last comment since you are keeping it secret until you say "what the hell, I'll post it anyways .."
But I just got back to READ that you said there are carpenter bees in Ontario .. OMG !!!! .. I should never go back and reread comments WTF ?? am I going to do now with the lights on and that can of Raid in my hands ? I might spray myself in my sleep and go "toxic-monster" combined with "menopausal monster" and what's left of the Canadian army will have to be called out .. they better bring icecream and chocolate sauce or it is game over for THEM ! ..
Hey .. I love your wedding pictures girl : )
Joy with "carp-bee-phobia" ;-)
PPSS .. those hats at the wedding were beyond dumbass ridiculous ! in fact I think they should add a new catagory of extreme dumbass ridiculous just for THEM!
PPPSSS Congrats again .. you two are just so sweet I want to squeeze your cheeks off ;-) the ones on your faces that is !!!

Kate/High Altitude Gardening said...

A wonderful post. Great tips. Happy anniversary! I think your wedding pics are way more real and touching than the royals.

Is the Wiz said...

Happy anniversary Kyna and Chuck.
I think you got it spot on - it's the marriage not the wedding that counts.Bless you both x

Marguerite said...

For a second I thought you had got hold of a picture of my cat! You may appreciate the haiku at this link..


Prat in the Hat had me in stitches.

Love hearing about your wedding day. You look so happy in your photos. I've never been married (like many here living in sin for 8 years now) but I hope if I do it's that much fun.

Kyna said...

Kyna said...
IG: 16 years? You gotta watch out for that 17-Year Itch. Both my mum and Chuckles were married for 17 years the first time round (not to each other of course, that would be highly creepy).

The secret? You're funny. Women are suckers for funny dudes. Lose that? You're fucked. So keep being funny.

Daricia: Thank you! I hope we are too. We toasted to 15 more years today. We would have toasted to more, but Chuckles thinks he'll be dead in 20 years. :P

Zoe: I don't mean to portray us as constantly shooting rainbows and sunshine and romance out of our asses lol. We bicker. A lot. But it's usually over stupid shit. It's rarely over something serious. But thank you for thinking we're something to celebrate! lol :)

Clare: My Mum says she barely even remembers her wedding day, because she was so nervous and it was so stressful, and my Dad's family planned most of it. I'm glad mine happened the way it did. The only things I would have changed would be wearing a wedding dress and having my Mum there. :)

Carlin: It's in large part thanks to you and Sky! If you hadn't pushed me to come down here, I might not have. Thank you!! :)

Alison: Hm...30 years...that would make Chuck 74 and me 54. Ack! I'm sure Chuckles'll still be a ladykiller, but I'm afraid about how I'll hold up! :P

Liz: Exactly. That's what we do too, sort of. Chuck has his half of the bills, and I have my half. If the other person needs a little more one month, we just do a transfer. It works for us! It's not, 'Oh, what did you spend $26.50 on?' or 'What's this $15.00 charge here?' May seem little, but we like not having the other person looking over our shoulder for every little thing we buy. We consult each other on larger purchases, of course.

Nothing wrong with shacking up! :)

Joy: Sense of humour is HUGE. Especially if Chuck and I reach 34 years of marriage...Chuck would be 78...I'd have to REALLY have a sense of humour about that! Because I'll still be a very HOT 58 years old...;)

My cheeks are quivering with anticipation! (the ones on my face, of course) :P

Kate: Thank you! I guess pole-dancing on one's wedding day can be touching...we were still tastefully clothed! ;)

Is: Thank you! I wish more people would see it that way. I think there would be a lot more happy marriages out there.:)

Marguerite: Prat in the Hat, LOL!! :)

Living in sin is all good :) I'm sure Chuck and I would still be living in sin if we weren't from different countries. Marriage was kind of a must, if we didn't want to wait a long time to be together. And he was in the middle of cancer treatment, so I wanted to be here for him. Chuck was married for 17 years the first time, and said he never wanted to get married again. I guess he changed his mind after he met me.

I'm really glad he did. He says he has had more fun times with me than he's ever had with a woman in his life. That's a huge compliment (and I believe him, I'm an expert at spotting a liar ;) ).

Søren said...

Congrats! Been married only 8 moths now, but you make it sound like something worth sticking with, so I guess I won't be asking for a divorce any day soon. Also, our wedding cost a small fortune (by my standards, not by Wills and Kate's) so I figure we should at least stay married long enough to feel the expense was justified.

And I know my husband can't ask for a divorce; he needs somebody to handle the garden, after all...

Al said...

And yes you did look nice in your wedding dress!

Kyna said...

Soren: That should have been my number 5 secret to staying married! Make sure you have a skill that's indispensable to your partner. That way they're more loathe to get divorced! lol

Al: Thank you! It's a very nice dress (I still have it of course) there was just a little too much of me in it. Chuck was in the hospital for 10 days, pretty much right after I flew down here. All I ate was high-calorie hospital cafeteria food. And then my weight just went downhill from there...never quite recovered. :P

But compared to losing a lung, what's a few extra pounds, right? :) Chuck loves me anyway. :)

Jim Groble said...


John Gray said...

congrats but on reflection your "pole" work needs a little work on!

Kyna said...

Jim: Thanks! :D

John: Damn. There goes my dream of making it in the stripper business...lol

Kimberly said...

Hi, Kyna! Catching up on blogs today and what a great time to read yours. Lovely post! Congratulaions to you both!! Love your advice for a happy marriage, too. Here's to many more happy anniversaries!! (go ahead - grab a brew and have a drink to my toast...I am! :D)

Kris said...

It's probably a very good thing that you and Chuckles linked up. Had you not you'd both be out there probably screwing up 2 other innocent bystanders' lives. :-D Darn thoughtful of you two to turn your wacky (and wacko) attentions on each other. Looks like you can both handle the heat. :-P Congrats, kids.

Kyna said...

Kimberly: Thanks! We did toast (a few times)! :D

Kris: Well, Chuckles is gonna be 50(yikes) next year. He's probably screwed a few people up before he met me. I'm glad he got all his practice hits out of the way first. I always tell him that if I had met him when he was 25, I wouldn't have touched him with a 10foot pole.

Then he just laughs, says I'm full of shit, and tells me what he really wants to do with his pole.

Oh. So. Classy.

Anonymous said...

You'll never forget a wedding day like that! And you are absolutely right, it's marriage that's important, not the wedding. We'll celebrate our 30th this year, and still crazy about each other. Isn't it amazing?

Jayne said...

Congratulations to you and Chuckles.

I agree with your ingredients for a successful marriage. Open communication, honesty and a sense of humor are vital in a relationship.

Eric and I have both been married before and one or more of those ingredients were missing the first time around for each of us.

Like you, we also think that if we had met 20 years ago, we would have ignored each other, lol!