Itch? I Don't Feel Itchy...

Chuck and I have been married for 5 years today.

This is a picture from our wedding day. Definitely NOT the Royal Wedding.




No Prime Minister, no fanfare, no money, no wedding dress...


No crazy hats.





Just in case there are a few of you who are new and don't know, we got married soon after Chuck had a lung removal due to cancer. Our wedding was the day before his second round of chemo [the reason for the cue-ball look]. And 4 days before I was supposed to go back to Canada.

"Chuck, I don't really want to leave."

"I don't want you to leave either."

"You want to get married?"

"Ok."

What a proposal eh? I didn't even get down on one knee.

Our wedding day was not glamourous.

We got married at the Jacksonville courthouse soon after it opened up for the day.

We only had two witnesses, Chuck's daughter Lindsay and her cousin Steffen (Chuck's ex-wife's nephew, which is sort of amusing :P )

We exchanged vows and rings that we picked up at Target.

Chuck took us out for breakfast at Cracker Barrel afterwards.

We went to a park in Jacksonville to take these pictures. I didn't have the money to buy a new dress, so I had to squeeze myself into one that was too small for me. Oh well. I still think I looked nice.



One crazy thing I remember was that when we pulled up to the park, there was a tall, huge birdhouse. There was a little bird that had strangled itself on a bit of string, and was dangling from the platform of the birdhouse. Isn't that macabre??

I hoped that wouldn't be a bad omen. O_O

We topped everything off with dinner for two at Red Lobster. I probably could have sprung for a dress if we didn't have dinner at Red Lobster.

But you know me. I'd rather eat than have a new dress.

Our wedding day was not traditional. But we had fun! The marriage is important, not the wedding.

Unless you're Prince William and Kate Middleton. ;)



But wait!!

Before you congratulate me...

Apparently, Chuck and I should be getting divorced!

Wtf?

Apparently, there is a phenomenon called the Five-Year-Itch.

Can't these people add?? It's supposed to be 7 years! 7, damn you!



Well, I don't feel itchy. And I haven't seen Chuck scratching. Much.

He let me post pictures of him in a tiara, for God's sake. I think that means he still loves me?

Shit! I just caught myself scratching my ankle! Is that where it starts? From the ground up?

*peeks at ankle*

Whew! It's just a bug bite. Maybe we'll be ok for the next few years...

Do you know what I think the keys are to a long and happy marriage? Speaking from my loooooooooooooong 5 years of experience?

1. Start out with the hard parts first. Not recommending that any of you start it off with cancer, but something else equally difficult. If you can get through that? The rest is gravy.

2. Separate bank accounts. We may fight, but it's never about money.

3. Go out on dates. (I meant with each other, you lechers!) Seriously, make time for yourselves. Go on a picnic. See a movie. Go to dinner. Have sex in the afternoon. Hell, go canoeing together. Have sex in your canoe. Whatever.

4. Be honest with each other. Honesty creates trust. Lies get you divorced.

5. Shit. I can't think of another one. I really don't know what else keeps us married. Being poor maybe?

It's cheaper to keep her. ;)

Especially if she's crazy.

William and Kate

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Pip Pip, Cheerio, and All That Rot

I don't like doing what everyone else is doing. I don't like hype.



When people started being obsessed with Harry Potter (the books people, not the movies) waaaay back when, I fought the urge. Actually, I probably didn't even have an urge.

"Why would I want to read something everyone else is reading? A book about a boy wizard. Why would adults want to read this shit??"

'Adults'...that's funny because I was only 16 at the time.

"Hmph", said I, and I didn't read them for a long while. Some of the original hubbub died down to a dull roar around the time the fourth book came out. I decided I would lower myself to read them. Of course, I became hooked. Then I kicked myself for not enjoying them sooner.




I do the same thing with movies...clothing...tv...if there's hype, I ignore it. There have only been a few select popular things I have let myself get obsessed and girly over.

~Twilight (again: the books, not the movies. The movies blow old, hairy goats. Robert Pattinson can suck it. Pun intended. Ha!)
~Lord of the Rings (both books and movies. And I have an Elvish tattoo. No shame! LOTR 4 Ever!)
~True Blood (very entertaining television and full of awesomeness. And tits. Lots of tits for you gentlemenfolk.)
~Napoleon Dynamite (I did walk around saying 'Flippin' Sweet!', but in my defense, I saw it before it got popular.)

Why is that a defense? I hear that a lot with music.

"I love [insert cool band here]. But look at all these stupid bandwagon jumpers. I saw [cool band] when they were playing dive bars and bar mitzvahs. Before they got popular."

Like that makes one a 'real' fan. But it does somehow, doesn't it??

I've finally let myself be obsessed with something right from the get go.



Yes, I admit it! I'm out and proud.

I'm a Royal Wedding Watcher.

I'm not the only one. Look! There's an actual book for it!



I come from a long line of Royal Watchers. My Mum was up watching Charles and Diana get married at 3am, when I was a month old. I think she's read every book on the Royal Family that was ever made. I didn't grow up in England, but I still grew up in a country where the Queen is on all the money. It's in the blood.

I booked April 29th off at work so I could be parked on the couch before the sun is even thinking of coming up. I'm going to have all sorts of delicious snacks prepared. I may even wear a tiara.

It's my party and I'll wear a tiara if I want to.

But the snacks! Oh the snacks. Fancy little snacks for the daytime. And then dinner will probably be some traditional English fare. I will take suggestions you know! (I'm not talking about the suggestion that I can stick my tiara up my ass for all you care, I'm talking about dinner suggestions. Humour me.)

Everyone complains about English food, but I think it's awesome. The greasier, the better. How could you not love a country that offers up an amazing creation called the 'Chip Butty'?



To all Americans and/or visually challenged readers, a Chip Butty is a French fry sandwich. Ketchup is optional. Butter is not.

My heart screams no, but my stomach says yes, yes, yes!

I did make some lovely Guinness Stew the other day, but I can't make that for this important event. You know, on account of the English-Irish hatred.

The other day a super-crotchety old English customer asked me what my name was.

"Kyna," I said.
"What kind of name is that?" he said.
"Irish Gaelic," I said.
"Oh," he shuddered in his warbly old man English voice. "You know how us English feel about the Irish."
"Yes," I laughed. "I do."
"Do you know what we say about the topography of Ireland?" he asked.
"That it's got too many Irish people on it?" I offered.
"No," he said. "that it's above water."

Speaking of Irish, I did finally try Idiot Gardener's Soda bread recipe. Did it all wrong of course. I tried to make sure I was making the right measurements, because he had all of his in metric and I don't use that system when I'm cooking.



I thought I had everything right, but it seemed that I added too much milk for the amount of flour I had in the bowl. How did I fix this? I added more flour. Hence, ended up with an assload of soda bread. With probably not the right amount of baking soda and salt for the extra amount of flour.



Also, IG pointed out that one must use a very sharp knife to cut deep x's in the tops of the loaves. I did not have a sharp knife, I never do, and being too lazy to sharpen one, I cut very lame, wimpy, girly x's into the tops of the loaves.

Not quite authentic, the way I mucked it up. Still very delicious. I think we used a half a stick of butter each on that bread. Butter makes it sing! Chuck's not a bread person, and I didn't think he'd eat much of it, but he loved it. Just think how good it would have been if I'd made it properly!

And the stew....oh the stew!

Amazing how this...



...and this sexy looking carrot here...




....can make beef and potatoes taste so much more awesome.





So, I have about a week and a half to stock up on English essentials. What should be on my list?

Scones? Oh, my kingdom for a scone!

Jam? Jam jam jam, jam jam jam.

Tea? Definitely tea.

Cucumber sandwiches? I don't even like cucumber, but how can I resist eating something so cute and dainty with the crusts cut off?

Marmite? Yes, and lots of butter.

Pimm's?

Shit! Where can I find Pimm's in the US??



Guess I don't need to worry about finding Pimm's after all. Looks like that guy's bought it all up for himself.

Bastard.