Saturday, September 10, 2011

Would You Like Some Gardening With Your Nonsense?

Sometimes it seems like the title of my blog is a dirty, dirty lie, but I promise it didn't start out that way!

I just lose all my gardening mojo for the summer. In my last video blog, I promised I'd be back to it in Septemeber.

And I am!

Chuck thinks my dirty hands are hot.

The sun is sitting a little lower. The afternoon breeze is cooler. We're getting a damn sight more rain. Not a ton, but at least the grass isn't crunchy anymore.

Yesterday I decided to go out to the garden center and get some petunias. Right now is starting to be the second perfect time to grow them. They fade away during the scorching summers, but if you plant more in the fall you get another couple of months of color.

I didn't realize that my outing for petunias would turn into the quest for The Holy Grail.

Seriously...the petunias were just as ridiculous to find, and I met this dude Roger who kept asking me if I wanted a shrubbery.

I swear I even heard the faint sound of coconuts.

I'm thinking I may have gone out on my quest a week or two too soon. Even the big garden centers didn't have any.

At the last place I drove to (40 minutes away...I wanted petunias dammit!!) I found a few paltry purple petunias (nice alliteration, eh?)

If I had gone out for mums, I could've come home with a truckload. But I'm not interested in getting mums quite yet, that'll be next month.

I did get a few consolation prizes, however. I found some sexy sweet potato vines for 50% off.

And by sexy, I mean bodice-rippingly gorgeous.

I'd never plant them in the ground here, as they tend to get invasive. But they're awesome in a hanging container.

The green one is Ipomoea batatas 'Marguarita', and the dark one is 'Blackie'

I ruined at least two shirts looking at these things.

I also found some huge coleus plants that were on sale at a different garden center. Normally 6 bucks, I got 'em for 3.

This one is 'Stained Glassworks Copper'. Looks really awesome in the morning sun.

And this one didn't have a tag. I had some last year, but I can't remember what it's called.

But it's sexy, so who gives a fuck? If you saw a sexy man/woman across the room, would you care what their name was??? No!

I'm happy that the side of my house that faces the street is looking pretty again. The back side still looks like shite, but I don't care about that.

The holly berries are turning red, just in time for *gasp* The Holidays.

Fun fact: If you look really closely at the window behind the sweet potato vine basket, you'll still see a Christmas decoration up from last year. I like to call it 'Redneck Chic'

The salvia has come back a little bit since being pounded by the hurricane. This little bee is enjoying it...

The fall wreath is on the door. The fake pumpkins are out. Kyna's dreaming of the two thanksgiving dinners on the horizon.

Things are good.


Rohrerbot said...

Yeah I'm feeling the same way you are about the gardening. Today I actually have the urge to do some gardening because of the weather!! Nasty hot temps out here right now but I've got to go pick apples today. As for the garden, there are parts that look amazing and other parts that I need major's kind of overwhelming sometimes but if I break it down little by little, it will eventually turn into something. I love your potato vines. Those are some of my favorites to have in the garden.

The Idiot Gardener said...

Dirty girl; you mentioned the H word. just for that I hope some errant customer blocks up the shop toilet, then smears the walls with shite, then furiously masturbates over some so-called art book before talking down to you and telling you to clean his crap up.

Oh wait, that was the last ... no I can't type the fucking word.

Shame on you.

Curbstone Valley Farm said...

Welcome back to the garden! It's amazing what a little rain, and a dip in cooler temps can do. I'm usually useless on the east coast in summer. I get out of bed, and the humidity by 10AM zaps my will, my strength, my inspiration, and inclination. Glad you finally found your petunias, it's all about the mums out here right now too. I don't even like them that much...I think I'd rather plant coleus. I love the color of the stained glass copper one, nice find!

Shyrlene said...

Sexy and gardening? Hell ya, and nobody spins it like you, Kyna.

Lindsey said...

Love this post and you are hilarious!!!! I've given up on the yard and garden as well but hope to get back at it soon...

Enjoyed catching up on your latest posts!

Liz said...

Hi Kyna,

I too went to the garden centre today; only I wanted ferns.

I heard coconuts too, and someone whispering in my ear about brave sir Robin or something.

The show was shite at this garden centre. I came away with nada. Well, lots of other stuff we needed for the house like decking oil, a hedge trimmer and a lamp. But I WANTED FERNS DAMNIT.

I could've however, bought lots and lots of winter Pansies... Only I don't really like them. so yeah.

Kyna said...

Rohrerbot: Yeah, there are so many things that I really should do with my garden, but haven't quite gotten around to it yet. But that's ok, it's part of the fun. If I did everything at once, I'd have nothing to do! :)

I've never had potato vines before. I saw this colour combination once when Chuck and I went up to Charlottesville, VA, in a planter outside of a restaurant. I loved it so much, but I usually don't like planting dark coloured things in the summer. In the fall, my tastes change.

IG: I'm sure I won't have to wait that long for that to happen again, whether you wish that bad juju on me or not.

About a month ago, someone wrote 'BITCH' on the men's bathroom wall in their own blood. I had one of the dudes go in there and take a picture of it before he cleaned it up, so that people would believe me.

Fucking freaks. Give me a masurbator any day. Jizz? I can handle that. As long as they don't ruin any merchandise with it. Shit and blood, I cannot handle in any shape or form.

Clare: I wasn't big on mums, until last year. They grow a lot nicer in the ground than they do in pots. I just don't really like to see them until October. Right now I feel like it's too early.

Shyrlene: Everywhere I go, I just scream 'sexy'.

People get kind of startled when I do that, but you know... :P

Lindsey: I was waiting to see if the latest storms brewing in the Atlantic were going to come near us, but it looks like they won't. I didn't want to plant new crap and have it get pounded and shredded again. Sure you feel the same :)

Liz: Brave Sir Robin ran away...when he heard there were no ferns to be found :P

I like pansies, but like mums, I don't feel like I want to buy them until next month. Right now it's still too early.

My new neighbours across the street just put up some beautiful petunias. I wonder where the hell they go them? I'd ask, but they're not very friendly sorts of folk.

Cal's Canadian Cave of Coolness said...

Wow, the joys of all year gardening. I just cut down all my plants to prepare the yard for winter. You know how we can be 'surprised' this time of year.

Jennifer said...

Kyna, I love your blog! I've never commented though I think your commenters are almost as funny as you), but thank you for the petunia reminder...I usually think of them way too late, but I ran to Home Depot and they had a good variety (here in Lubbock, TX anyway.) So thanks again and I'm sorry your neighbors aren't friendly...jerks.

Kyna said...

Cal: It's not quite 'all' year, there is a month's window of non-gardening between early/mid December and mid-January, when my daffodils start coming up. ;)

Seriously though, even though I can grow things year round, I'd trade a couple of months of that to see the Northern Lights again.

A couple of Edmontonian friends of mine were posting about how awesome they were the other night, and it made me feel very homesick. I've tried to describe what they're like to Chuck (because he's never seen them outside of pictures), and it's hard to relay the experience.

Jennifer: So happy when I see that someone I haven't spoken to before comments my blog! :) I love meeting new people.

I invite you to comment whenever you want to, no matter what the comment is. You can even insult my mother!

Ok, not really. I probably wouldn't like it if you insulted my mother. She reads this, you know. And she'd probably challenge you to an arm wrestling contest. And she'd probably win and you'd never come back and read anymore. :(

But anything else goes! :) I love that I've met all sorts of people on here as crazy/super-awesome as I am, who aren't scared off or offended by my ramblings.

CanadianGardenJoy said...

OMG girl tres` chic on the year round Xmas ornament!! Me? it has to be Halloween of course and I can't believe you actually typed HOLIDAYS !!! EEEEEKKKK .. unless of course it is about Halloween then you can all the time .. even after .. pre and post and all year for Halloween ... I wish more people felt like I do about ... HALLOWEEN !!!
OK .. I got that nearly out of my system .. a second season for gardening? HOLY SHIT !! and you can grow potato vines in the ground and they become invasive ???? HOLY SHIT again !!!
I can NOT believe you have a pumpkin out before ME .. something is wrong somewhere ... I just haven't figured it out yet .. but hey have a great time in your garden and don't forget to have two "turkey eating" pants lined up you are going to need them !!!
Joy (pumpkinless for now)