Wednesday, June 29, 2011

A Toast!

My stepdaughter Lindsay and her boyfriend (I guess he's the fiancé now) Mike just got engaged!

He asked her in the park on this lovely evening, and they stopped by on the way home for some well deserved congratulations!

Lindsay had her glasses on because she tore her contact lens, so like a good woman-friend I asked for her permission to take an engagement picture avec glasses. She was so happy, she didn't give a shit (as it should be) :)

Some good friends of ours, Kim and Fred, gave us a bottle of Red Cat wine when they last stayed to visit. As it was a colossal bottle (magnum) of wine, we hadn't had the occasion to crack it open as of yet, lest we be shitfaced beyond recognition.

Today was just the occasion to bust it out!

I think Chuck needed it...the sight of the ring on his daughter's finger made him a little woozy...

Congrats Lindsay and Mike!

Monday, June 27, 2011

Yellow With Jealousy

My sunflowers have just started blooming again. But this post comes 2 months earlier than last year's did.

From this morning

I really was on the ball this spring. I planted them on time, instead of waiting till the last minute when the temps were scorching.

I wanted to have tall, majestic sunflowers like I did the very first year I planted them. Even the red ones I planted turned out nice.

Summer 2007

Hmm...the camera must have slipped a little when Chuck was taking this picture...sneaky bastard

And I just like this one Desiree took because we look surprised...surprised the sunflowers are so damn awesome!!

Every year I try a different brand of seeds labeled 'Russian Mammoth', and every year I've found that the seed company has lied to me. (I'm not sunflowerist by the way, I just really like Russian Mammoths compared to all others. Is that so wrong?)

Do these look 'mammoth' to you? Anywhere close to 'mammoth'??

I didn't think so.

It's been hot as a bitch since the beginning of May. 90F+ every single day. With little to no rain. And no shade whatsoever. It hasn't even been fucking cloudy more than a few days this growing season. So I've had to water the shit out of them, and even that hasn't been enough.

So I figure that the drought is the problem with my sunflowers. It's been pretty severe.

We've had some major wildfires burning close by over the last couple of weeks because it's so dry they can't contain it. Ash has been falling like snowflakes. There's a sickly orange glow over everything when the sun can get through the smoke...almost like the light of an orange streetlamp but in the daytime. We've been sick at work because the smoke gets in very easily, and five minutes of being in the receiving room will render you breathless and ill.

My friend took this pic the other morning driving to work. That's not fog, it's smoke.

We really need some rain, badly. Although it will be too late to help my sunflowers. Oh well, they still look much less sad than last year's. Next year I'll also try them in a different spot, lack of crop rotation may also be a problem. I never said I was an agricultural virtuoso.

A friend of mine also grew some sunflowers, and hers ended up at 9 feet tall. My tallest one is barely 6. She's got a bit more shade in her yard. She showed me pictures on the phone, and her sunflowers looked so awesome that I had to stifle the pressing urge to punch her in the face and throw her phone in the garbage.

She offered me some of the seeds from them for next year.

Pity seeds.

But you know what? I'll take 'em. These average, mediocre, less than colossal sunflowers are starting to piss me off.

I only want the best! The best, dammit! I'm tired of yearly disappointment.

Friday, June 24, 2011

Funniest Magazine You'll Ever Come Across

So you know how they say plane crashes,celebrity deaths, etc. usually come in threes?

Well, if you don't, they DO say that.

I'm starting to think my blog posts about penises are coming in threes (pun intended). I'm one away now.

I had a really, really bad week. Work was a nightmare. Encountered a LOT of rude people (more than usual). Chuck threw his back out, badly.

I chalked it all up to 'Full Moon Week'. It's not just a one night occurence anymore, the effects last at least 7 days.

The other day, a co-worker of mine said she found an open Playgirl magazine in the newsstand area. She knew I'd been having a really bad week and was kind of depressed. We can't sell open nudie magazines, so they go in a shred pile. She said I should check it out for a quick laugh before it got the ol' shred.

Ho. Lee. Shit. It was HILARIOUS.

I've seen a Playgirl magazine before, but it had been a long time. I'd forgotten how cheesy they are.

A lot of porn is cheesy, but this was heavy on the fromage.

Now, I love men. I love looking at naked men. Men, men, men. I love smut. Smut, smut, smut.

But for some reason, looking at semi-turgid male members in Playgirl just doesn't do it for me.

On one page there's a naked guy in a cowboy hat pretending to play a guitar. On another page there's a dude holding onto his very small winky trying to look dangerous into the camera. On yet another page, there are these naked blond twins at the beach, one is on the other one's back and they're smiling at the camera looking like they've never had that much fun naked by the seaside together before.

Yay for twincest! So funny. (Ok, I kind of enjoyed that one.)

Not that penises are the most attractive things even at their finest...but there were some really hideous dicks in this mag.

One particular uncircumsized gentleman had an appendage that looked like the trunk of Snuffleupagus from Sesame Street. I was horrified.

Oh, Bird!

Despite the "Entertainment for Women" moniker, it appears to be marketed towards gay dudes (judging by the ads in the mag). They're the only ones that seem to buy it from me (and usually it's on the very bottom of the pile of purchases, upside I don't have to turn it over to get the price and the bar code to scan it...How come I never meet anyone who's proud of the porn they're buying?)

But still...I don't know how they wouldn't laugh at this crap either! Especially when they're's a bunch of other fabulous porn to be looking at out there. But then again I'm not a gay dude, so what do I know?

If you're ever in need of a good laugh, Ladies, do yourself a favour and buy a Playgirl. Leave it on the top of the pile of purchases. And smile at the salesclerk. It'll really cheer you up!

Burt guarantees it.

Saturday, June 18, 2011

A Cuke in the Hand is Worth Two in the Burpless Bush

Since I've lived here, we haven't had much luck growing cucumbers.

I vowed to change that this year...

E voilĂ !!

Try not to get too excited boys. I know that photo's a little titillating.

Every other year we've grown them in the ground, in full sun. This would be a successful venture for anyone else, but this hot-ass Carolina sun is just too hard on them.

This year, they're in a drywall bucket on the screened in back porch.

They still are being affected by the heat, and I have to water them twice a day to keep them going. But they're still way better off than they've been every other year...which was dead.

As the title of this post suggests, this is a 'Burpless Bush' cucumber. When my friend Sean saw the tag, he said "I wish my girlfriend had a burpless bush."

Innuendo aside, it's really a very good plant. The cukes that are produced have more girth than length, and they don't curl on the end.

What am I on about, it's impossible to put the innuendo aside!!

Penis! Cucumber! Penis! Cucumber!

Bush! Vagina! Bush! Vagina!


Ok, I think I've got it all out now.


Wednesday, June 15, 2011

Tuesday, June 14, 2011

Kyna's 30th Birthday Extravaganza:Pt 5~ Savannah, Georgia

Tuesday, May 31 dawned, and I turned 30.

It was to be a beautiful, sunny day. One good thing about having a birthday at the end of May is that it's usually very pleasant outside. Except that one year in Canada when it snowed (really).

The other good thing about a May 31 birthday? People get paid at the end of the month, and one usually gets more presents!

I should mention that I didn't turn 30 till almost 5 in the afternoon, and I took great comfort in that fact all day long. Milked it for all it was worth, one might say.

We said goodbye to Laura and left Jacksonville early, crossing the big suspension bridge out of the city.

This part of Jax always reminds me of 'The Simpsons'. It's not a nuclear plant or anything though, I believe it's some other type of plant.

Jacksonville is a very industrial city, and one of the cons is the amount of pulp/paper mills.

If you have never had the great fortune of smelling a paper mill, consider yourself lucky. They smell like a mountain of rotten eggs. If the wind is blowing the wrong way, Jax isn't the most sweet-smelling place (Savannah, GA as well, it's a shame such a beautiful city smells so damn bad).

Chuck spotted a huge bald eagle perched up on a lightpole on the way out of the city made up for it. He was just chillin'.

It was so awesome! I really wish I would have had my camera out, but it probably would have been a crappy picture anyway. I thought seeing a bald eagle on my birthday was a good omen for the day.

Since I didn't want to spend my whole birthday driving, we had made plans to stop off in Savannah for a few hours. It's only a few miles off of the main highway we take to come home.

Savannah is a city full of history, established in 1733. It was settled by General James Oglethorpe. You see his name all around the city, and there is a statue of him downtown.

Savannah has a large port, and is a river city. The topography of the place is crazy...right up to the riverfront, the terrain is level, and then it suddenly drops off. There are all of these iron walkways, and stairs down to the street that is directly next to the river.

We didn't have much time to explore the city, unfortuately. I primarily wanted to visit Colonial Park Cemetery, and see the old graves.

Bonaventure Cemetery is also located in Savannah, and is slightly famous because it was featured in 'Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil'. But it's kind of out of the way from the historic district.

But it'll be on the itinerary the next time we pass Savannah, because it looks totally awesome.

Not my photo

Colonial Park Cemetery was established in 1750. There are many people interred here, who were important players in both the Revolutionary and Civil Wars.

There is also a sign that explains why so many people have a death date of 1820. There was a huge yellow fever epidemic that year, and a lot of residents got wiped out.

The most interesting part of the cemetery was this wall full of old gravestones.

Many of the people had their place of birth listed on the stones. Quite a few of them were Northerners.

Chuck said, "Maybe this is where they put all the Yankees. Under the wall."

I'm thinking the stones were either so broken or damaged that they wanted to keep them visible for history's sake, or they had to be moved for some reason. I don't know. But the effect was interesting.

We walked through the cemetery a little more...

...and then we decided to make our way down to the nearby riverfront. We passed many old houses and churches along the way. (Fun Fact: The founder of Methodism lived in Savannah. And the founder of the Girl Scouts of America was born there).

Some pics from our walk:

House built in the early 1700's. I think it's a restaurant now

St John's Cathedral

I really wanted to go inside, but just at the time we went by, a service was going on and we couldn't.

Chuck thought this was funny

The Six Pence Pub

This is the Savannah Theater, I do believe. I read somwhere that it's the oldest continuously operational theater in the US, from the early 1800's. That's a pretty good feat for any place that was in the thick of the Civil War.

The city's so green...

Lafayette Square

In the midst of all the historical buildings, is the Savannah College of Art and Design. If you want a career in this field, this is one of the best schools to attend in the country.

It was a hot ass day in Savannah. Chuck and I finally got to the riverfront, and descended some iron steps and then a large hill made up of cobblestones. Anyone who was foolish enough to wear high heels down there would be screwed. It would be impossible to walk. It was hard for us to walk the terrain in sneakers!

I love that shirt

The waterfront was beautiful. Restaurants, art galleries, shops, trolleys, ships...the whole shebang.

WWII Memorial

Some sort of pirate-y looking ship

We stopped at a little shrimp place for lunch. Had a glass of wine and some delicious mini blueberry muffins with bourbon-pecan butter. Yummy!

Wait? Where are the birthday presents in this narrative??

Hell, just being in Savannah was birthday present enough. One more cool city I thought I'd never visit in a million years.

We did walk past this store called 'The Savannah Bee Company'. They sell all sorts of gourmet honey, honey products, and bee-themed gifts. I love bees. I totally dragged Chuck into the store, and the birthday shopping was completed.

We had to get on the road back to NC soon, but after we climbed back up the tall iron starway (and narrowly missed suffering twin heart-attacks...heat+stairs+fat=heart attack), we took a few last pics.

The trolley was stopped at a light at the top of a steep hill to turn left, and it looks like it's about to come down the sidewalk. Love this pic

There are a lot of Irish in Savannah. They have one of the biggest St. Patty's Day parades anywhere. There is a monument to Irish Americans near the river.

Had to get a picture with my favourite Irish-American

Man, I wish we had more time to spend there. If it feels like I've glossed over a lot of the city, I did. That's a lot to pack into four hours. Usually I like to stop at each thing I'm looking at, and learn about it. I've had to satisfy myself with looking up facts after I got home.

Now that I'm 30, people have been asking me if I feel 30 yet. I don't really feel any different, and I'm still getting ID'd. My joints hurt about as much as they did before I left my twenties.

I did have one 'over 30' moment the other day at work.

I was walking past customer service, and the phone was making the noise that it makes when someone's been on hold too long.

I asked R if he had someone on hold. He said no. I went over to S, and asked her if she had someone on hold. She said no. I asked R to pick it up and see who was on hold. As soon as he started talking to the customer, I remembered that it had been ME that put her on hold! I completely blanked out answering the phone. I couldn't stop laughing. The memory's speeding downhill already...

But other than that, 30's been good to me so far. I got to have some friends and family over to celebrate, the night before I went back to work.

There's even some garden content in this post! Look at the size of my tomato plant ...I couldn't even fit it all in the frame. I call it Frankenstein. It's been two weeks since this photo was taken, it's even bigger now. I decided to feed it the whole back porch to keep it from eating me.

Anyway. I survived 30. I'm sure ya'll are so pleased. :)