Saturday, June 18, 2011

A Cuke in the Hand is Worth Two in the Burpless Bush

Since I've lived here, we haven't had much luck growing cucumbers.

I vowed to change that this year...

E voilà!!



Try not to get too excited boys. I know that photo's a little titillating.

Every other year we've grown them in the ground, in full sun. This would be a successful venture for anyone else, but this hot-ass Carolina sun is just too hard on them.

This year, they're in a drywall bucket on the screened in back porch.



They still are being affected by the heat, and I have to water them twice a day to keep them going. But they're still way better off than they've been every other year...which was dead.




As the title of this post suggests, this is a 'Burpless Bush' cucumber. When my friend Sean saw the tag, he said "I wish my girlfriend had a burpless bush."

Innuendo aside, it's really a very good plant. The cukes that are produced have more girth than length, and they don't curl on the end.

What am I on about, it's impossible to put the innuendo aside!!

Penis! Cucumber! Penis! Cucumber!

Bush! Vagina! Bush! Vagina!

BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Ok, I think I've got it all out now.

Maybe.

12 comments:

Liz said...

Hi Kyna,

Congrats on the penis urm, sorry cucumber!
I tried a few years ago, the blossoms began to swell into little cucumbers and then suddenly they'd just die. Haven't bothered since!

Gary said...

Kyna,
I tried sooo hard to make a complimentary and 'gardeny' comment about this post. So many organ related innuendos to say that I will have to just go and make a cup of tea instead. Oh, and, is that a big cucumber, or do you have small hands?

Al said...

You might have it all out, but only until it builds up again!

CanadianGardenJoy said...

Kyna girl .. I think I am going to laugh ALL day now about this post ..
and ... I will never be able to pass the cucumbers in the stores without a few snorts and giggles ... stop doing that to me !!! They are going to lock me up and throw away the key !!!
Joy eh !!

Kyna said...

Liz: I think next year I may even give them more shade than they're getting now. I'd move them, but as you can see in the last pic, they've started growing into my porch chair lol. I decided to leave them. We've gotten 5 cukes off of it, and that's already more than we've had since we've been attempting to grow them.

Gary: Big cucumber or small hands? Bit o' both ;)

Al: That's why I try to get it out often. I'll be more mature when I'm dead!

Joy: I think I've heard a few ladies giggling in the produce aisle, you won't be the first! :D

Jayne said...

OK so now I have to get the old saying "She's happier than a nun in a cucumber patch" out of my mind.

Good luck with the cucumber bush, I like the classy container :-)

Marguerite said...

as someone who's never grown a cucumber I have to ask, what the heck is burpless?

Kyna said...

I didn't bother to look until just now. Apparently the definition is:

“Burpless’ cucumbers, both American and Asian types, contain low or no cucurbitacin, the compound that causes bitterness and increases one’s susceptibility to ‘burping’ after eating the fruits.”

Now only if they'd make burpless penises.

Wait.

Was that too far? :)

Probably.

The Idiot Gardener said...

Nice cucumber!

I appreciate that the urge of make comparisons between certain vegetables and parts of the human anatomy is overwhelming, and that the fact that the term bush has multiple meanings for those of 14 years of age, but really, I am shocked at this puerile outburst.

That said, it does look a bit like your stropping the Jolly Green Giant's warty cock.

Ho hum.

Kyna said...

I didn't realize that you and the JGG had been so intimate, to know what it looks like.

You're not the cause of the warts, are you?

I'll tell him you said hi.

meemsnyc said...

Nice job on the cukes.

John Gray said...

i LOVE your humour... you sound so much like Tom Stephenson!

would love to hear you joke after a few beers!