Friday, June 24, 2011

Funniest Magazine You'll Ever Come Across

So you know how they say plane crashes,celebrity deaths, etc. usually come in threes?

Well, if you don't, they DO say that.

I'm starting to think my blog posts about penises are coming in threes (pun intended). I'm one away now.

I had a really, really bad week. Work was a nightmare. Encountered a LOT of rude people (more than usual). Chuck threw his back out, badly.

I chalked it all up to 'Full Moon Week'. It's not just a one night occurence anymore, the effects last at least 7 days.

The other day, a co-worker of mine said she found an open Playgirl magazine in the newsstand area. She knew I'd been having a really bad week and was kind of depressed. We can't sell open nudie magazines, so they go in a shred pile. She said I should check it out for a quick laugh before it got the ol' shred.

Ho. Lee. Shit. It was HILARIOUS.

I've seen a Playgirl magazine before, but it had been a long time. I'd forgotten how cheesy they are.

A lot of porn is cheesy, but this was heavy on the fromage.

Now, I love men. I love looking at naked men. Men, men, men. I love smut. Smut, smut, smut.

But for some reason, looking at semi-turgid male members in Playgirl just doesn't do it for me.

On one page there's a naked guy in a cowboy hat pretending to play a guitar. On another page there's a dude holding onto his very small winky trying to look dangerous into the camera. On yet another page, there are these naked blond twins at the beach, one is on the other one's back and they're smiling at the camera looking like they've never had that much fun naked by the seaside together before.

Yay for twincest! So funny. (Ok, I kind of enjoyed that one.)

Not that penises are the most attractive things even at their finest...but there were some really hideous dicks in this mag.

One particular uncircumsized gentleman had an appendage that looked like the trunk of Snuffleupagus from Sesame Street. I was horrified.

Oh, Bird!

Despite the "Entertainment for Women" moniker, it appears to be marketed towards gay dudes (judging by the ads in the mag). They're the only ones that seem to buy it from me (and usually it's on the very bottom of the pile of purchases, upside I don't have to turn it over to get the price and the bar code to scan it...How come I never meet anyone who's proud of the porn they're buying?)

But still...I don't know how they wouldn't laugh at this crap either! Especially when they're's a bunch of other fabulous porn to be looking at out there. But then again I'm not a gay dude, so what do I know?

If you're ever in need of a good laugh, Ladies, do yourself a favour and buy a Playgirl. Leave it on the top of the pile of purchases. And smile at the salesclerk. It'll really cheer you up!

Burt guarantees it.


Liz said...

Hi Kyna,

Sounds excellent! Is it really naive that I'd never heard of playgirl?? I wonder if we even have it over here? Mmmmmmm lol. Perhaps I ought to pay more attention to porn.

I can't think of anything better than looking at dicks that resemble a strange wolly mammoth type thing :D

Alison said...

I had a subscription to Playgirl when I was just a few years younger than you. I cut out a naked picture of Sam Jones (Flash Gordon), and stuck it on my fridge. It was there when I had my first date with my husband.

I haven't read it lately.

Bangchik and Kakdah said...

It's nice to look at the funny side of things or lives.... It lessens stresses....

Kyna said...

Liz: I don't know if you have it there, I know they've got it in Canada.

And I think everyone should pay more attention to porn! :P

Alison: We have a subscriber!! :D

Hehe, I know I wouldn't be above taking a peek if someone I was interested in was on the cover. I just tend to like my smut in video or novel form.

Bangchik: There is a funny side to almost everything...especially genitalia :)

Marguerite said...

Nekkid photos of Burt Reynolds! hee hee. That is simply classic. I remember a joke I heard once. Something to the effect of being hung like a Snuffalufagous - but only Big Bird could see it!

The Idiot Gardener said...

I've always felt sorry for ladies; let's face it, the penis is less than attractive in its full glory, but hanging limp off a perma-tanned 1970s screen icon?