Saturday, November 27, 2010

Wicked Sick

Work is really picking up. The day after Thanksgiving here in the States ('Black Friday', which was yesterday) is the biggest shopping day of the year. People line up all night long outside of stores to be the first ones in and get special deals. Fights break out. People get stabbed. From now till Christmas, my store should be hoppin'. Hopefully it'll be sans frenzied shopper stabbings. I suppose books don't fan the flames of bloodlust like marked down electronics do.

I'm not going to say I'm not a materialistic person. Most of us are. George Carlin had a great bit about it. Saw him perform in person a few years ago, brilliant.

But DUDE. I can't believe that people will CAMP OUT all night just to buy a TV. One of my friends just goes out to be around the crazy people buying stuff at 3am, he doesn't even buy anything. It's a tradition. I was at work till 10:30 last night, and one of my co-worker friends said that she'd been up for 24 hours.


You know what my ass is doing at 3am the day after Thanksgiving?

If I don't have to work, my Canadian ass is HIBERNATING. I am in a solid turkey/pumpkin pie/ mashed potato coma. This was the first year I've worked at the bookstore that I wasn't scheduled to work at 4am on Black Friday. I took advantage of every bit of sleep I could get because I knew work that afternoon would be crazy.

It just amazes me what people will do for a good deal on merchandise. In Canada, the day after Christmas (which is 'Boxing Day' to my American friends) is our big shopping day of the year. And it's turned into a week now. They call it 'Boxing Week' sales. I used to joke that it was going to turn into 'Boxing Fortnight' sales. I went out on Boxing Day once, and it totally wasn't worth it. As one of my favourite eloquent sayings goes...fuck THAT shit.

And, just because nature is cruel, I am also getting sick. I don't get sick very often even though I work with the public. My immune system is pretty good. Touching dirty, disgusting money all day long will do that to ya.

Ladies? If you're gonna keep money in your 'bra bank' as you so classily put it, will you please take it out of there before you come up to me to check out? If I'm going to be handling money that's been in your sweaty cleavage, I don't want to know about it first. Thanks.

When I do get sick, it's a bastard. Usually I'm the one that will bring it home and spread it to Chuckles. I'm just around so many people every day. This year it's been the other way around. The One-Lunged-Wonder been sick for almost two weeks. Major chest cold/flu/whatever.

He sounded like the singer from Crash Test Dummies O_O

Took me so long to get it, I thought I might escape. Maybe I had gotten this particular virus before! Then I woke up yesterday and I could feel my throat tightening up. This morning I sound like the Crash Test Dummies guy. Which is sort of creepy. Tomorrow I expect it to be in full swing. Which is perfect timing. Customers love it when you're hacking all over their grandkids' Christmas presents.

Oh well, it's probably better that I get it now than the week of Christmas.

On the upside of things, weather is still gorgeous. This is the only time of year I'm not homesick for Canada. Sunny, warm. I put up my outdoor Christmas lights the other day. I did it in a t-shirt. Well, not only in a t-shirt. That would have caused a neighbourhood scandal. But you know what I mean. And it was AWESOME.

So anyway, I don't know how much blogging I'll get done in the next few weeks. It'll probably be several little crazy customer vignettes, which I know you always look forward to.

Merry Christmas!!

Oh wait. It's still November.



Is the Wiz said...

Dear Kyna, Thanks for the George Carlin routine, it was a real treat. Hope you get over your virus soon. Trying to figure out if bronchitis would be worse or better with only one lung.

Liz said...

Heck I wish I had a voice like the dude from Crash Test Dummies!

Sucks that you're coming down with a cold/flu... I also thought I'd escaped when I had one a month ago, it took so long but no, I think it was just toying with me.

Can't wait until I'm officially allowed to watch Christmas movies (I refuse before December 1st.)

Curbstone Valley Farm said...

Post Thanksgiving, 3AM, I'm well and truly passed out! Camping out in frigid weather to get stomped on, punched, or worse, is not my idea of a valuable use of my time. Sometimes I think the world has lost the plot in regards to behavior over the holidays. I do hope your store stays sans stabbings, that bra-banks go bust, and that you really really feel better soon :( I'm sorry, I hate being sick, especially over the sucks!

Kyna said...

Is: You're welcome :D He's awesome, isn't he?

Chuck's breathing sounds like a train whistle, so I'm thinking he'd fare better if he had two lungs. I am NOT looking forward to the next few days. However, I already have three new funny stories to blog about after my shift at work today. :)

Liz: Everyone would think you were a drag queen. But that's cool. It would be a conversation starter anyway... O_O lol

Screw waiting till November! I'm jonesin' for Christmas movies. Just the funny ones though, I don't do well with the sappy ones. If I watch 'It's a Wonderful Life' I start crying into my eggnog. Not pretty, and NOT festive.

Clare: Just as I was telling Is, I have a few new customer stories to tell after today. And one of them involves Christmas spirit, you'll have to stay tuned... :)

The Idiot Gardener said...

I don't envy you the next month. Mrs IG has had to start working Sundays.

Breathing that sounds like a train whistle? You want to get a recording of that!!!

Kris said...

Sick? Oh boo hiss. Are you one of the folks who say "I don't need no stinkin' flu shot!" every year? I hope not. They really do help.

I, too, prefer the funny Christmas movies, especially Scrooged with Bill Murray and Family Man with Nicholas Cage (he sings opera in his jockeys!).

Hoping you (and Chuck) get well soon. Looking forward to customer stories.

Melissa said...

I hate getting sick! Hope you feel better, too.

Bra Bank! Hah! Never heard that. Ryan works with a woman who keeps her cell phone in her bra, pulls it out and HANDS IT TO HIM TO HOLD so that he can look at pictures of her children. nice!

Laura said...

I never do Boxing day. I don't see the point. I am totally a deal shopper, but I am unwilling to go into that nightmare. MAybe it's because I worked it every year since I was 14. Yup, that definitly the reason. Now that I'm out of retail I see no reason to put myself through that shit! I get most of my shopping done pre December. Especially the kids toys. I avoid the mall in December, and WILL NOT go into a toy store during that time. I do not miss it at all!

On a side note! I have all variety of not so nice words for you, putting up your Christmas lights in a tee shirt! Just rub it in a little more there k ;)

Signing out from snowy Canada!

Kyna said...

IG: Chuck can make some pretty amazing bodily sounds. Among some of the more imaginable ones, his snoring is the worst. I sleep with ear plugs in every night. And even then I sometimes have to leave the room because the noise is deafening. If his breathing sounds like a train whistle, than his snoring sounds like a jet plane taking off. You don't even want to know what his farts sound like.

I hate working Sundays. I don't know why, it's just like any other day. And I'm not religious or anything. It just seems like the perfect day to do not a damn thing.

Kris: Actually, I've never gotten a flu shot in my life. Chuck's freaked me out about them because he said he got one once when he was in the Marines and it made him sick as a dog. I told him it was probably all of his extracurricular activities that made him sick, but he disagreed ;)

'National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation' is my favourite. In fact I could probably watch that one in August and still be happy. I have it memorized. Then it would be followed by 'Scrooged' and 'Elf' :)I don't think I've ever seen 'Family Man'...

Melissa: I've been known to tuck things away in my cleavage, but not anything anyone else has to touch! When I'm listening to my iPod and I'm wearing clothing with no pockets, I'll put it right down in there and it stays out of the way if I need to use my hands for something else. But I'm not going to fish cash out of my boobs in front of the checkout person.

Laura: I wish I was organized enough to start buying Christmas presents earlier in the year. I just never seem to get around to it. This year it's been better than most though. I'm not as poor as usual.

Sorry if I sounds smug about the weather.


ChickenFreak said...

I don't get the Black Friday shopping either. On Friday Himself and I stayed home in complete and utter idleness, puttering on our computers. It was bliss; I can't imagine a bargain short of, oh, a piece of real estate for $49.95, that would have made going out worthwhile.

Turling said...

Praise the Lord I've never had to work in retail during the holiday's. There would be dead people everywhere.

Hang in there. Only 26 more shopping days.

Kyna said...

Chicken: Puttering around on the computer all day is my ideal day. Fuck shopping :D

Turling: 26 days. Thank the sweet baby Jesus.

People are already starting to be major douches. I had a couple of live ones last night that almost got my goat. Or got me fired, anyway. My temper is really short when I'm sick, and right now I am REALLY sick. I'm also thankful that I'm off today. I sound like Gollum now.

Btw, SO happy to see you :D Everytime I think you've disappeared you pop up again. Which is a good thing. Of all the people I wish would disappear, you're not one of them.

Turling said...

HA! Quick, they're starting to film The Hobbit, you should try out for the Gollum voice!

CanadianGardenJoy said...

OMG Kyna .. I almost wet my polar bear pajamas reading this girl !
Stop making me do that !
I feel sorry for you with the bug .. number one son is a manager at a hock shop (Hock Shop Canada) .. so believe me , he is exposed to EVERYTHING humanly possible and since he is still here (the paper work is grinding away for him to move in with his wife still, as you warned med : )
Anyways .. last march he had a 24 hour bug and got over it in a snap .. then his father and I started throwing up with in an hour of each other .. 48 hours of laying on the bathroom floor and every bit of body fluid drained from me (might as well have been bitten by a vampire and enjoyed it a bit ?) any whoo .. they called the ambulance on me because i wouldn't budge from the floor .. the sexy toilet and I were fast friends ? .. so looking and smelling like something you never want to know about .. these gorgeous EMT guys were so amazing .. I guess I looked like I might die on the way there so they were going to be NICE to me no matter how I smelled .. long story short .. take ECHINACEA girl !! it will help stop some of the CRAP from invading .. plus I so love George Carlin as hubby does .. no one can replace him right ? .. AND they are trying to call it Black Friday here to now .. I won't type what I think of THAT .. my lap top would blow up! Hope you feel better soon : )
Another Canuck floating away with the floods here !
Joy: )

The Idiot Gardener said...

Now, you see, me and Chuck; we're not so different. Mrs IG has two bedrooms. There's the one where we go to sleep, and there's the one she goes to when I fall asleep to escape my snoring!

Get him to buy a house so you can have two bedrooms. Job done!

Kyna said...

I actually do have a second bedroom in progress. We had to tear the carpet out of it a few years ago, and never got round to putting new flooring in. I'm planning on putting a bed in it, and that's where I'll escape from the noise eventually.