Monday, August 22, 2011

Tattoo You

Two things you're sure to find in Jacksonville, North Carolina are Marines and tattoos.

They go together like peas and carrots.

Like a horse and carriage.

Like Michael Jackson and Bubbles.

Like Charlie Sheen and Crazy.

You get the picture.

There's a tattoo shop on every corner. Hell, there's even one in the mall.

You can go get some Ben and Jerry's and then get a flaming skull drawn on your ass.


The inspiration for this post was a woman that came through the store the other day. She had a tattoo of a flying pig on her ankle. A badly done tattoo of a flying pig.

Made me wonder.

Why a flying pig? Why on her ankle? Where did she get it done? Was she drunk? Was the tattooist drunk?

At least it was interesting. A break from all the USMC globes and anchors.

I have a tattoo. I designed it myself. It's nothing monumental, but at least it's different.

I couldn't imagine walking into a tattoo shop and just picking something off the wall, or even picking it out of a book. People come in all the time asking for tattoo magazines and books.

One of my favourites is this one.

I'm tempted to buy it and put it on my coffee table. Talk about a conversation piece.

Actually, some of those Russian convicts have better tattoos than the Marines do. That's another reason I'm hesitant to get a tattoo here.

I don't want a crappy-ass butterfly. Better to spend $2000 on a plane ticket to Siberia and get a flippin' sweet facsimile of the Kremlin on my back.

The worst tattoo I've seen in person was a woman coming through the store, about a year or so ago.

Imagine Iggy Pop... a halter top with colossal breast implants and a giant skull and crossbones (with a bow on it) tattoo in the middle of said breast-implanted, veiny chest.

That's what this woman looked like. I nearly had to bleach out my eyes. Maybe the tattoo wouldn't have looked quite so bad if it had been on a different person? I don't know.

But probably not. It was pretty bad. "Please, stare at my beach ball chest, which I've made even uglier by permanently etching a pirate flag in the center of it."

That was the message I was getting.

So what about you guys? What do you think about tattoos? I'm sure some of you have them. What are they?

If it's a tattoo of the Jolly Roger on your d├ęcolletage, I completely understand if you stop following my blog.

If it's a tattoo of Iggy Pop, I may just divorce Chuck and marry you instead.

'Cause that would awesome.


Amy said...

Yep...Marines and tattoos do go together. My son came home with one after joining. He put a quote across his chest.I knew he would get one and it was just a matter of time. :)

Gary said...

I wouldn't get one, but I have been trying to convince Amanda to have a small butterfly one on her bum...veeryyy sexy! Alas...she won't....grmph! I saw a bloke the other day who had his entire head tattooed with a cobweb, I think he may regret that later in life.

Liz said...


Not sure if you have an iphone... Anyway there's an app called instagram and people are obsessed with posting photos of their crappy, horrible tatoos. Some are just so badly thought out, it's like someone took a child's colouring book and stuck random pictures all over their body. Looks ridiculous.
Very few have nicely considered tats that merge into each other and flow well.

Anyway, I don't have any tatoos, mainly because I'm a wuss and because I don't want to look like iggy pop when I'm older and the tatoo be stretched all out of shape! :D
If I were, it'd be something I design myself. I quite like cute stars on wrists, but then I'd be an Emo.

Curbstone Valley Farm said...

Actually, now you mention it, I do have a jolly roger, kidding, honest! :P I promised my dermatologist about 15 years ago that I'd never get a tattoo. He made me swear, and I've kept my promise. He hated doing tattoo removals, in part because he had so many of the dang things to do, he felt his patients that needed 'real' dermatology done, were left waiting for their appointments. Besides, I've had so many bad moles chopped off, if I'd had a tattoo, it would probably look like really bad origami by now ;) Thanks, now I have to spend the rest of the day getting an image of Iggy Pop with boobs out of my mind LOL.

Marguerite said...

A tattoo right between the bosoms! No matter how good looking you are that would be hard to pull off. Me, I've got a daisy tattooed in never you mind. My name is french for Daisy and I was named after my grandmother. There was a time I thought of getting more but thank goodness I stopped before getting the jolly roger on my chest.

Kyna said...

Amy: I actually like quote tattoos a lot, if they're done nicely. A chosen quote or a lyric is personal in it's meaning to an individual. I didn't know your son was a Marine :D

Gary: When Chuck and I went to my friends wedding a couple of weeks ago, there was a couple sitting at our table. The guy had tattoos everywhere, and Chuck was talking with hmi, asked him what he did. The guy answered good naturedly, 'I work at a tattoo shop. That's really one of the only job options I have, being covered in tattoos.' :)

I could never get a tattoo on my ass. I was self-conscious enough in the middle of the shop with my shirt up facing the chair to get the one done on my lower back.

Liz: No, I just have a stupidphone. :P They have a book at the store filled with bad tattoos that I've had a laugh over. :D

I want another tattoo, a much larger design on the upper part of my back. I'd never get a tattoo anywhere that it could be stretched out of shape easily. Like on the stomach, or whatever other part that can get fat more readily than others. Turn that cute little kitten tattoo into a sabertooth tiger.

CVF: I think people definitely need to put more thought into their tattoos. The problem is, that most people get them done young, and young people aren't the best at thinking about the future.
Chuck's a good example of that. He has a couple he wishes he could take back lol.

Marguerite: Haha! I like that your daisy means something to you. So does my tattoo. When I try to explain it to people, they always look at me funny until I show it to them. To other people, it just looks like a black design.

Anonymous said...

I once considered getting a tattoo... Mine would have been a black rectangle, shaped according to the Golden Ratio, placed just over the iliac crest.

But then I changed my mind and decided my body was perfectly beautiful without artificial adornments. ;-)

Al said...

I had too many relatives with bad old navy tattoos to ever think they are anything but ugly.
So no I don't have any.

The Idiot Gardener said...

I'd like a tattoo of a potato field, and above it would be a bright pink helicopter, and at the side door you'd just see a wolverine lowering out a dwarf child on a piece of rope, and underneath in bright green lettering it would say 'Nice and Tidy'.

I'm off right now to have that done!

CanadianGardenJoy said...

OK .. I am going to embarrass myself but what the hell .. at least it is on your blog Kyna.
I am almost addicted to watching those tatoo shows on TLC .. I didn't want to see them but once you start watching them .. well it is like an accident .. you can't help but LOOK! .. I don't have a tatoo but I always have wanted one at a certain stage of my life .. nothing huge but something extremely Celtic (Scottish/Irish blood here) a bottle of a fine single malt whiskey ? and one day I might break down .. other wise UGH ! to having to be exposed to all of those tatoos against your will Kyna eeeuuuwww !!

Tatiana said...

I'm amazed you can have a tattoo post without mentioning the 'tramp stamp' as they're colorfully called.

I don't have any tats mainly because I can't think of anything as cool as the Idiot Gardener would have, but I do admire well done work.

Kyna said...

Soren: I wish we were all that happy with our bodies! :P I don't think well-done tattoos are a detriment, they're art. But if the decision not to get tattooed was right for you... :)

Al: Bad old Navy tattoos are kind of awesome, as long as they're on really old Navy people. If those tattoos were done now, then I'd cringe a little. I had a customer come up to pay for something with a big-boobed mermaid on his forearm. And it was awesome, because the dude was 70-ish.

IG: You Irish and your potatoes.

Joy: Something Irish would be awesome! I love Celtic designs, even though they kind of ubiquitous. I say do it! :)

Tatiana: The tattoo of mine that I mentioned, IS a tramp stamp. Although it's kind of geeky, so in my mind it's not all that sexy. ;)

I'm a huge Lord of the Rings fan, so it's something in Elvish writing. I wrote it all out myself in calligraphy, and had the artist tattoo it on. I love it. Still. :)

Tatiana said...

Niiiice! Well if it's that geeky, it's hardly a tramp stamp. By definition the TS has to be something cheesier like the proverbial butterfly/dolphin or some tribal art copied from the magazine. Meaningful, personal writing is not the same. BTW, did it hurt there?

Kyna said...

Haha! "I would like a tattoo of a porpoise right here. Above my asscrack.' :D

It did hurt a little, it was over my spine, and I was a bit skinnier then, so less cushion. But not so much I wouldn't go get it done again :D

Kal said...

My father had four awesome tattoos on his arms from the times when he was a single soldier serving as a peacekeeper in Cyprus. His best one was a panther fighting a boa constrictor. Aside from a combination Batman/Superman symbol that is the tattoo I would like to get the most but it's a bit late for me at age 46. I love some of those elaborately ornate chest pieces that some girls have. They can look really cool but like you I wonder how these people will look back when they are in their middle age years. There was a show on for awhile about people who hated their tattoos and wanted them removed. The pain involved in THAT proceedure turned me off tattoos forever.