Window Shopping, Schmindow Shopping

It's kind of a meh day outside. And it's my day off.

I'm trying to save money for my birthday, which is in two weeks. We're taking a trip down to Florida to see family.

But I didn't want to sit at home, bored on my day off. The sky has looked too intermittently ominous to risk getting rained on at the beach.

I decided to go window shopping at the garden center. Which is ironic of course, since there are no windows there.

"I'm just going to look," I tell myself. A tiny little angel popped out of thin air onto my right shoulder and nodded his head approvingly.

The tiny little angel (his name was Francis) and I rode all the way out to Carolina Home and Garden. A lovely place owned by locals. Great for window shopping.

When we got there, my debit card hand started getting itchy. Francis started giving me the hairy eyeball.

"I'm just looking, I promise!" I exclaimed. Francis looked like he'd believe it when he saw it.

And then I saw it.



A 'Blue Skies' lilac. I reached down to look at the tag, and a tiny little devil (his name was Boris) popped onto my left shoulder.

He was nodding greedily, and rubbing his hands together. "Buy it!" he said, in a croaky little toad voice.

I looked at Boris. "But I'm saving money for my birthday..."

"C'maaaaaaan," he coaxed. "It's only $16! What's that? Lunch at Quizno's? It's nothing."

Meanwhile, Francis was jumping up and down on my right shoulder, flapping his arms and trying to get my attention. I don't think he could speak, poor thing.

(Then how did I know his name was Francis? Why, he was wearing a little nametag of course!)

Boris poked me in the neck with his little pitchfork.

"Ow!" I shouted. "Okay, okay. Maybe you're right..." I looked guiltily at Francis.

Francis was sitting on the far edge of my shoulder, with his arms crossed. He wouldn't look at me. He was pouting.

Well, that did it. If Francis was going to ignore me, I'd buy the lilac out of spite!

I hesitated. "Boris," I said. "The last time I tried to grow a lilac, it got blight. I had to dig it up. Lilacs don't do that well here in the South."

Boris sighed and rolled his eyes. 'That was a different lilac. It rained for two weeks straight after you planted it. What are the chances of that happening again?" I could see he had his fingers crossed behind his back. "Besides, look at the tag. It says it's the perfect lilac for hotter climates."

I stared at Boris skeptically. Boris stared back. Francis was still giving me the silent treatment (not that he had much choice, because he couldn't talk).

I gave in.

I bought the lilac. And Boris didn't stop there. He somehow magically willed my hands to pick up a pack of white polka-dot plants.

"You only ever find the pink ones," he pointed out. "Don't miss this chance!"




"Well," I said. "Now that I've spent this money, I'm going to make it back somehow. Chuck and I will eat cheaply this week! I'll make Shepherd's Pie. It's cheap and delicious, and we can eat it for three days!"

But Boris messed with my mind again. I stopped at the grocery store on my way back home.

When I took my cart into the meat section, he forced my eyes towards these.



I looked at Francis. He had stopped pouting and was staring at the ribs. He gulped and his halo slowly disappeared. I thought I could see a horn sprouting from his temple, but it could have been a trick of the fluorescent lighting.

"The price!" exclaimed Boris. "Look at the price!"

He sort of sounded like these guys. Could you resist buying them with logic like that??



I looked again at Francis. He shrugged and gave me an 'If you can't beat em, join 'em' sort of look.

As much as I love Shepherd's Pie, that's now going to have to wait till tomorrow. I'm now making Memphis-style baby back ribs, and my famous bacon-collard greens for dinner.

I couldn't resist. The devil AND the angel made me do it.

Francis and Boris are chopping onions as we speak...