Saturday, January 14, 2012

Take Me To Your Leader. Oh Yeah, Right. It's Me.

I've just created a Twitter account (yes, IG, I know. I know. You don't even have to say it.)

I now have a Twitter account (edit:@FreakyKyna, in case you're interested), a Facebook page, I'm running two blogs, I'm juggling a questionably massive Cumberobsession, and multiple people have roped me into playing Words with Friends on my Nook.

I have so many windows open on my computer and have my hands on so many mobile devices at the same time, that I feel like I'm at the helm of Mission Control at NASA.

Or as my friend Nick put it, " that god on The Simpsons who's deep underground working a load of computers... That exists doesn't it? I feel like it does. I hope I'm not imagining it..."

I feel like I've taken over the world.

True story, I actually shouldn't have even been born you know. After my older brother Kurt was born, my mum got herself fixed. And it didn't take.

And here I am! *waves*

So you see, I'm destined for greatness. Call it delusions of grandeur if you will. Haters gonna hate.

It's either take over the world from my desk chair, or my head explodes from having my hands in too many cookie jars. ('Cause 'cookie' works in tech puns, dontcha know?)

I'm putting my money on 'take over the world'.

I'd be an awesome world leader. Epic.

~You'd get to see my gorgeous face plastered all over town squares all over the world on giant propaganda banners. My glorious visage will warm the hearts (and the trousers) of all my countrymen. (I don't know if my countrywomen will be happy about it, but tough titty. I'll win them over by giving them all their own private diamond mines and chocolate factories. Just call me Wilhemena Wonka.)

~My worldwide televised addresses to the public would be entertaining, never boring. People will mark the dates on their calendars to watch me do impressions of Sean Connery or Christopher Walken every week. And to occasionally bestow such leaderly wisdom as 'Be excellent to each other.'

~There would be no war. How can anyone blow other people up whilst they're busy laughing so hard at the banter of their witty, visually stunning leader? They can't, it's impossible. My shining charisma saves lives, it doesn't end them. The only acceptable bombs in MY world will be F-bombs.

~My first order of business would be establishing bizarre paid global holidays. Finally, we'd all be properly compensated for 'Sit on Your Porch and Have a Beer Day' or 'Talk Like a Pirate Day'. (Arrrrrrrrrr! Cha-ching!)

I haven't quite figured out how to eradicate famine as of yet, but I'm fucking brilliant so I'm sure I'll think of something.

Let us pray to the BlogGods for guidance.


Jodi DeLong said...

I vote for you as empress of the universe, Kyna. You neglected to share your Twitter handle, though, and here I want to follow you!

Kyna said...


Fitting, no? :)

And thank you for your devotion.

You'll be the first to recieve a diamond mine.

Jess said...

I would like a diamond mine and and most of the amazon rain forest in my name please.

The Idiot Gardener said...

I am considering my response!

Leona Raisin said...

Don’t know about Twitter but Words With Friends is a great way to pass the time. Better than watching TV. … WHAT AM I SAYING! … There’s nothing better than TV, but I’ve come up with a great way to build your WWF skills and have fun with TV trivia at my blog. Let me know what you think of it.

Cal's Canadian Cave of Coolness said...

All I can say is that you were my first choice to arm the heavy gun on top of the van...well after velociraptor. All I can say to you is STAY ALIVE! WE WILL FIND YOU! You becoming world famous will only put a target on your back. You know how the MAN does his best to keep a brothers or in this case a sister down.

Rohrerbot said...

Well that would be a nice change of pace:) I tried Twitter but it honestly was a pain in the butt. I am today that last bluebird on the branch. It's really goofy and I don't get it. Plus all these hootchi mammas were signing up onto my account and I had to keep monitoring it all...oh yeah...and then there were high school students on it. Ugh! But everyone needs to try it out:) Hope your weekend is going well. Chris

Al said...

You'd certainly do a much better job than the tossers we have now!

Chris said...

When you take over the world can I have a bit?

I could be in charge of dropping the f-bombs - that sounds something I'd do regularly anyway.

Notice Kyna, I have made no comments about you sat on a swivel chair in front of your computer screens stroking your white pussy (cat).

Apart from just then...

Gorilla Bananas said...

You seem to be spreading yourself a bit thinly, but maybe you've got the energy to pull it off, being a redhead. I've learned never to underestimate humans with the orangutan gene.

The Idiot Gardener said...

I am still not sure about Twitter. I do have an account, which I only seem to use to kill time when drunk on trains, and then only to rip the piss out of someone.

Now, onto the bigger picture. Emperor of the world? I think my first act would be to take out an eviction notice on the general public. I would then have then all lined up on the edge of cliff, and make them dance. Those that bored me would go over the edge. Those that amused me would be enslaved.

I'd be nothing but the very essence of fairness.

Sarah said...

I don't tweet, twitter, whatever it's called, but I did have fun once busting one of my employees who was dumb enough to tweet about how she did nothing all day at work but play solitaire and MAKE HER ACCOUNT PUBLIC.

Honestly...when will Darwinism work for humans again?

But if ever I do stumble over there, you can be sure I'll follow you because I bet you tweets will be bawdy & worth it.

Kyna said...

Jess: Granted.

IG: Take your time...

Leona: WWF is pretty good, but I don't know if it's better than TV! Especially if Sherlock's on...I'll visit your blog shortly. :)

Cal: I'm counting on to to be my top soldier. Are you up for the challenge?? *salute*

Rohrerbot: Know what you mean with the hoochies. I had one 'follow' me within the first 30 min of my joining. But that's what the block button's for, eh?

Al: I agree. But we have to come up with bettr propaganda than, 'Kyna: She can do better!'

Chris: Glad I can counton you to exhibit the utmost in classy behavior. My pussy thanks you for your devotion. *mrow*

GB: My energy knows no bounds. Redheads don't need any extra. Glad you've learned your lessons early. Never underestimate (ie: never trust) a redhead.


IG: Ooh, you've found me. I look forward to you ripping the piss out of me. I love a challenge. And you know I can rip it right back.

Well, since I'm Empress, you'd have to marry me to be Emperor. That spot's taken.

How about Royal Idiot? Yeeeeessssss. Entertain me. Dance!


(and yes you have to wear the funny hat with bells on...Empress Kyna decrees it)

Sarah: Does it sound to conceited when I say that it would be worth it to revisit your Twitter account just to follow me? No, I didn't think so.

You won't be sorry....:)

Cal's Canadian Cave of Coolness said...

You know I will take a bullet for you - if I absolutely have to. But you should know that I tend to get a little cranky after I've been shot at.

Kyna said...

Bah. I can deal with cranky.

What if I give you control of your own batallion of gorgeous, redheaded, genetically engineered, large-breasted minions who only live to please their leader?

Not so cranky now, are ya?

Thought not.

Cal's Canadian Cave of Coolness said...

You have found my kryptonite. And the girls look alike only to keep them from shooting each other on the battlefield. Not like I have a type or a fetish or anything. The thigh high pirate boots are just to keep their legs from getting all scratched up. And the capes, while being flashy, also keep one warm at night. I do because I love.

Can you genetically engineer a sense of humor because that is critical?

Kyna said...

This is ME you're talking to. A sense of humor is critical, and sometimes it's the best weapon anyone's got.

A sense of humour's standard military issue. So are pirate boots. Shiny ones.

Cal's Canadian Cave of Coolness said...

You are a scamp!

Kyna said...


To the bloody end!