Take Me To Your Leader. Oh Yeah, Right. It's Me.

I've just created a Twitter account (yes, IG, I know. I know. You don't even have to say it.)

I now have a Twitter account (edit:@FreakyKyna, in case you're interested), a Facebook page, I'm running two blogs, I'm juggling a questionably massive Cumberobsession, and multiple people have roped me into playing Words with Friends on my Nook.

I have so many windows open on my computer and have my hands on so many mobile devices at the same time, that I feel like I'm at the helm of Mission Control at NASA.

Or as my friend Nick put it, "...like that god on The Simpsons who's deep underground working a load of computers... That exists doesn't it? I feel like it does. I hope I'm not imagining it..."

I feel like I've taken over the world.

True story, I actually shouldn't have even been born you know. After my older brother Kurt was born, my mum got herself fixed. And it didn't take.

And here I am! *waves*

So you see, I'm destined for greatness. Call it delusions of grandeur if you will. Haters gonna hate.

It's either take over the world from my desk chair, or my head explodes from having my hands in too many cookie jars. ('Cause 'cookie' works in tech puns, dontcha know?)

I'm putting my money on 'take over the world'.

I'd be an awesome world leader. Epic.


~You'd get to see my gorgeous face plastered all over town squares all over the world on giant propaganda banners. My glorious visage will warm the hearts (and the trousers) of all my countrymen. (I don't know if my countrywomen will be happy about it, but tough titty. I'll win them over by giving them all their own private diamond mines and chocolate factories. Just call me Wilhemena Wonka.)

~My worldwide televised addresses to the public would be entertaining, never boring. People will mark the dates on their calendars to watch me do impressions of Sean Connery or Christopher Walken every week. And to occasionally bestow such leaderly wisdom as 'Be excellent to each other.'

~There would be no war. How can anyone blow other people up whilst they're busy laughing so hard at the banter of their witty, visually stunning leader? They can't, it's impossible. My shining charisma saves lives, it doesn't end them. The only acceptable bombs in MY world will be F-bombs.

~My first order of business would be establishing bizarre paid global holidays. Finally, we'd all be properly compensated for 'Sit on Your Porch and Have a Beer Day' or 'Talk Like a Pirate Day'. (Arrrrrrrrrr! Cha-ching!)

~I haven't quite figured out how to eradicate famine as of yet, but I'm fucking brilliant so I'm sure I'll think of something.

Let us pray to the BlogGods for guidance.