Thursday, March 1, 2012

Is It Really March Already?


Where is the fucking time going?

So, as Cal pointed out to me the other day, I haven't been writing on here as much lately.

I started a second blog on tumblr, and I spend a lot of time playing on it.

It's something that's quick, easy, and I don't have to think much about what I'm writing, like I do on here. Plus, I get to hang out with a bunch of girls that are just as Cumberaddicted as I am :)

And the reason that's so attractive to me right now, is because I've had a lot on my mind. I like the mindless escape of Tumblr (which they should really call Crackblr).

I don't like to talk about unpleasant things on here. No one likes a downer.

Lots of stuff going on work that I don't want to blog about. Or really shouldn't blog about. So that's out for discussion.

And the rest is mundane. And I've been a little sad.

Maybe I'm attracted to Tumblr because of the amount of followers I have over there. I AM an attention-whore in case you haven't noticed. :)

I've had it for a month and a half, and I just passed 800 followers. Which blows my mind. I feel like a cult leader.

The average age range of users over there is pretty young. Lots of teenage girls. I've made good friends with a few of the 'older' folk on there (older meaning 25-30).

The teenage girls are lovely, they're just excited fangirls, like me. Which is AWESOME.

But they make me sad sometimes.

So many of them feel so bad about themselves. Talk about how depressed they are. How ugly they are. How they're not skinny enough. Or pretty enough. How they just want to kill themselves. Or they talk about cutting themselves.

It doesn't happen all the time, or I wouldn't be on there. It'd be too sad. But once in awhile I'll see a post roll through my dashboard that contains those things.

I wish I could just hug all of them and tell them to be more confident and love themselves for who and what they are.

But I also remember what I felt like when I was that age. I felt the same, went through the same things, had the same thoughts. Confidence in who you are only comes with time. I'm glad it only took me till my mid-20's to not give a shit about what others think of me and be happy with myself.

I feel like I'm making a little bit of a difference though. I've received some lovely compliments to the tune of  'You make me feel like I can say what I'm thinking, because you say whatever you're thinking!' and the like.

That makes my heart happy.

I've also been doing a lot of fiction-writing the last couple of months. Nothing anyone on here would want to read, it's 'just' fanfiction (and gay fanfiction at that). But I love it. The story I'm working on is the longest thing I've ever written, and it's still going. And I'm proud of it. I've had over 3000 hits on it, and 150 people left me notes about how much they loved it. It may not be 'real' writing, but it makes me happy and gives me an outlet for creativity. Even if it's just for a select demographic.

Anyway, I hope something awesome happens to me every couple of days from here on out, so that I can write a little more often on here.

Thanks Cal, for reminding me that it's not the number of followers I have, it's the quality of the readers :) Everyone that regularly leaves me a comment on here is my friend. :)

Love you guys!


Liz said...

Hi Kyna,

I hope you're OK and had been wondering if you were OK since you've also gone relatively quiet on FB.

Thankfully I've never been one to even remotely consider inflicting pain on myself but as you say I think many people get down or depressed as teens, but it does pass.

Rohrerbot said...

Hey no stress!! Life is too short:) I've disconnected myself from those dark things. Otherwise it will drag me down into the dumps with that person. It took me awhile to figure how to do it.....but I find myself becoming more detached from all the drama of the teenage and 20 something crowd. The 30's were for me kind of the boring times as it was also my time to maturing...and so I look forward to the 40's....actually look forward to it. I know what you mean about saying things on a wish you could write them but you can't....but one can always read between the lines:) Hang in there. Tumblr and Twitter didn't really do it for me....but I understand why they are popular:) When I discontinued my Twitter account, I was sad because I lost contact with some of my favorite actors like George Takei, Leonard Nimoy, etc etc etc....Anyhoo, a big hug from Tucson. Chris
PS. Diddo on the comment of the quality of followers.

Alison said...

All writing is real writing. Even this blog post. If you are putting sentences together with words, it counts. The only thing you have to do to be a writer is write.

John Gray said...

yes,..... you fickle bitch.. dont forget your old friends like they were crackhead whores of no consequence

we deserve to be nurtured

( hows that for acting?)

Jennifer said...

How do I find you on Tumblr? I'm old, but I would love to see what you're doing there.

Anonymous said...

Fickle bitch indeed John!:D
I may have to come live with you for a spell!;) Well, at least until she's over this obsession! It may be a while but I'm good company!
Chucklesskyna :/

Cal's Canadian Cave of Coolness said...

You attitude about life and your joy for living it is just the example young girls need to see. You may not like it but you are a role model by the kind way that you deal with people. You always have treated me well desptite my confession to hated the octopus as much as I do. I loves me some Tumblr too. It's a huge source of my interesting posts back at the Cave. Tumblr is my right arm that validates all the things that I like.

Cal's Canadian Cave of Coolness said...

I am still glad that you read my messages and they make sense to you. On either site you are still cute and funny.

The Idiot Gardener said...

What the fuck is Tumblr?

What the fuck is fanfiction?

What the fuck is gay?

Why is it so cold in the UK?

Why does your word verification hurt my old eyes?

Why did I bother coming back from my holidays?

Can I have a biscuit?

You, my good lady, need to wake up smell the duvet! Teenagers need depression like a flower needs pulling up to make way for potatoes.

Can you tell I'm in a happy place right now?

Kyna said...

Liz: I didn't ever really consider cutting myself or anything, no, but I was severely depressed and thought I was horrible.

Right now I'm only mildly depressed and think I'm fabulous. So it's ok :)

Chris: Oh, this blog would be so much more awesome if I could talk about work every day. But since they changed the policy about online activity, I refrain unless it's something very general. I leave the old stuff up, because I wrote it before the new policy, and I'm grandfathering it in, bitches. :D

Alison: THANK YOU. That's why I was putting shit in quotation marks, because I also think it's real writing, but some people don't think so, including my own husband. I really enjoy it though, and 3000 other people enjoyed it, so yay. :)

John: Oh, you're my favourite crackhead whore, I could never forget you! True story, you come up a lot in my 3D world conversations with friends. All good stuff, I promise ;)

Jennifer: can find the link to it in my sidebar.

But I feel compelled to issue a warning :) It's a very focused blog, kind of like what I wanted this one to be at first, and isn't.

It pretty much consists of me posting about the actor Benedict Cumberbatch, all things concerning BBC's 'Sherlock', and other hot British guys/things.

I swear like a sailor (even worse than here) and everything is turned into sexual innuendo (even worse than here).

And it's packed to the teeth with homoeroticism. Because for me?

Gayness is yayness.

Enter at your own risk :D

Anonymous: Nice to meet you. Is your first name Chuck, perhaps? Just a hunch.

Cal: No, I actually like being a good influence on people. Nothing makes me sadder than people that don't like themselves and feel like they can't be what they are inside. There are a few girls that follow me on there, who have already changed the way they post/what they write on their posts since they've been following me. I can tell when I've had an influence, and it's flattering. :)

Why wouldn't I treat you well? You're a nice guy. Anyone who treats me well gets the same treatment back. Golden Rule, bitches. :D

IG: Hey! I missed your face. Well, not literally, because I've never seen it. But you know.

You can have ALL the cold gay fictional tumblr biscuits you want! They're delicious!

I love me a happy Idiot.

Chris said...

Yeah, what's Tumbr? Another new-fangled fooking computer thingy to try and get my grey soggy old brain matter around.

Don't be sad. Nothing you do is mundane Kyna.

Keep posting. There's nothing like hearing from a smokin' hot redhead to brighten up my day! :-D-

Cal's Canadian Cave of Coolness said...

I am happy that you were able to connect with those who share you love for the Cumberbunny. I am also glad they you have become a mentor of sorts. You would be the first person I would come to with a girl problem - like how to find one.

Sarah said...

Why is it that girls are so un-self assured & why is it so hard for us to like ourselves? I wish I could pour self love down my teenage niece's throat. Instead I'll try to emulate you and provide an example of strong confident womanhood for her to be inspired by.

Diana of Elephants Eye said...

OY!! Why is it not 'real' writing? You have readers, who read what you wrote, and are moved to leave comments there!