Wednesday, July 28, 2010

Dear Mr. Fantasy, Play Us A Tune

The cotton in the field behind my backyard is flowering.

I've never seen cotton flowers before. I think they're very pretty. Wayne's World dream sequence style, my thoughts swirl into a whirlpool of pink...

Pink ladies. This one looks like she runs a cult O_O

And this one is me. Really. *cough*.

Pink Barbie Corvettes. I always wanted to grow up and drive a pink corvette.

Pink cotton candy clouds chasing a scared woman down a country (oops, just about left the 'o' out of country, good thing I looked) road.

Pink ballerinas. I also wanted to grow up and be one of these. That dream crashed and died when I turned 13. Most girls lose their baby fat when they turn 13. I reclaimed mine. Plus some huge knockers. Of which I got made fun of for every single day. Of which led to a sense of humour. Of which I am thankful. For both knockers and sense of humour.

Pink mohawks with leopard spots and braids. Wow. That actually looks really heavy. And super-awesome :D

Pretty in Pink. Oh Molly, it's weird to see you playing a grandmother on your new-ish TV show.

Pink martinis!! I was going to post a picture I have of myself with a pink martini. But I thought that would be crass. Pip pip.

Pink Drag Queens. I love you Pink Drag Queens! There aren't enough of you in Jacksonville to give this place some LIFE. :)

Pink cherry blossoms.

Cats in pink wigs. Um, pardon me for a minute. I have to go and make a quick phone call to the authorities...

Pink bra planters! I think this may be my favourite. I do have a bra exactly this colour, except it's a lot bigger. Well, not 'circus freak' big. More like...'interferes with my golf swing a little' big.

And it's getting kinda old, so I could totally plant petunias in it, hang it on my mailbox and shock my plethora of Republican neighbours. I have an idea now, thank you to whomever gave it to me!

I'm so happy that there are people out there on the internet who posted photographs of the EXACT things I was dreaming about. I would be lost without you.


The Idiot Gardener said...

I must admit that sometimes I don't get your lyrics-based titles, but this one...

It took me back to around 1982 or 1983. A bunch of us shared a flat in north London. We spent most of our time messing about. It would have been September, because the psilocybin was in season and we'd been out early that morning picking.

We made a pot of mushroom tea, and as we waited for it to kick in we got into a debate over whether punk music would be any good on a trip. We put some on, and within minutes we were raging about how we'd all allowed our inner punks to die. We'd get out on the streets, we decied, and show the world that we were still here.

As the tea kicked in, we became increasingly empowered. We were going to take back the streets from the general public, by force if necessary! If they didn't like it, they could lump it, because we were invicible, we were the masters, and the serfs were now going to dance to our tune. It was all getting very fractious!

I nipped to the toilet before we went out. Apparently, I was gone for about 15 minutes while the others grew ever more furious, increasingly angry and ready to bring the world to hell. I was oblivious to all this.

They told me after wards that they came to look for me, and found me standing in the middle of the bathroom (which was tiled in white with a white suite) laughing.

Someone shouted, 'Come on, let's go. It's time to give them some grief!'

I turned to them and said, 'But look at the colours!'

After much laughter, we opted not to take over the world, and all trooped back into the living room. The record that replaced the punk was Traffic's Mr Fantasy.

That post title just brought all that flooding back. You've made an old man feel very old!

By the way, I hate pink!

Kyna said...

I'm guessing you're around my husband's age. Which is of course Old Years Old.

Great story lol. You'll have to get Chuck to tell you some of his sometime. I'm horrified by most of them...since I was BORN in 1981 and I'm a goody two shoes. I bet yours and his are very similar, you Oldie McOldersons you.

You hate pink, eh? Well I hate vegetables, but I still sniff round your curcurbits, don't I? And as for my post titles... Most of them aren't even song lyrics anymore, so no wonder you don't get them.

The Idiot Gardener said...

Well the last two were song titles. remember I'm old; my memory is slipping!

One of Mrs IG's friends did fund raising for Breast cancer, and held a pink party. Everyone had to wear something pink. The closest I could get was a Pink Taco shirt I bought when drunk in Vegas. It's grey, but it does have a tiny pink star on the pocket.

I hate pink because it's a friend of red; red is the one I really hate!

Kyna said...

Hehe, Pink Taco. Funny enough, I was going to try and find a photo of a pink taco on Google (because there's got to be one out there somewhere...hell, I found a photo with a hamster in a little suitcase for God's sake). Then I forgot whilst I was editing. Shame, really.

Good thing you warned me about the red. That was going to be the subject my next blog post. But then of course I would have found out how dedicated a follower you were!

Btw, kudos to your wife for the cancer fundraising. :)

Jayne said...

Wonderful story from the Idiot Gardener. Been there, done that.
Speaking of pink cars -- my sister in England used to have one, after her breast cancer surgery. And my cousin in England's daughter has pink hair!

Rainforest Gardener said...

I just love that photo of the pink cloud chasing the woman down the cuntry road! Oh... now I get it. So you think Chuck is "old" years old... teehee!
Thanks for the great story Idiot Gardener!

Byddi - We didn't come here for the grass... said...

The post was good but the comments are brilliant - shame I wasn't bad enough in my youth nor witty enough to join in - but I'm laughing!

(Well, I might have been bad but for now - I'm not sharing - sorry!)

Curbstone Valley Farm said...

I've never seen a cotton flower, they actually are quite pretty-in-pink. Molly Ringwald is playing a grandmother? A GRANDmother? Seriously...I used to be accused of looking like her back in the eigh**cough**ties...and there's no way I'M old enough to be a grandmother LOL. :P

Laura said...

Lol! You got me in stitches girl! Love the pink bra planter! The cotton flowers are beautiful!

Kyna said...

Jayne: I have a friend that used to work at B&N with me, brightest pink hair. And it looked so good on her. I'd look like a washed-out old rainbow trout. Red hair makes me look healthy :) So I'm sticking with it lol

RG: Glad you enjoyed the post. C U Next Tuesday when there's another one!

All right. Enough with the vagina jokes.

Byddi: I'm so glad you enjoyed it :D

(IG, make sure you tell more stories like that in my comments in the future. It gets me more readers :) )

Clare: Yep, she's the mom on Secret Life of an American Teenager', and her teenager has a baby (I believe that's the premise, I've only read about it, and that was awhile ago.) I sell a lot of that show.

Kyna said...

Laura: I only wish I had thought of the bra planter idea first. I would have saved a fortune on buying containers! My yard would just be a sea of bras with petunias and portulacas and the occasional geranium.

Ordinarily a geranium would be too heavy for a bra planter. Luckily mine are industrial torpedo-strength.

Kelly said...

Hahaha! Loved this post with the Wayne's World intro... It's perfect.

Al said...

You should be a writer with an imagination like that :-)

I have seen cotton flowering and I would have remembered them as white.

Either I have a really defective memory, or they use a different variety down here in Oz.

Kyna said...

Kelly: Haha, thanks :D I was looking for a clip where they were just waving their hands in front of their faces going 'dee-dee-lee-do...dee-dee-lee-do...dee-dee-lee-do' but I couldn't :( I loved Wayne's World on SNL...

Al: Ha! I wish! :) I have so many ideas floating around in this red head of mine, but they just come out in little blog spurts. Not book spurts.

Ew, that sounds pretty gross. I suppose there's more to writing than just writing books, isn't there?

I would have thought cotton flowers where white too, but these are the only ones I've ever seen, so...? I'm sure your memory is not defective lol. I wouldn't have even thought cotton would be grown in Australia. Shows how much I know :P

Zoe said...

Hi Kyna, you reminded me to run out to the garden and look for our single forgotten cotton plant (a seedling gift from a friend) - and it's blooming! So pretty - who knew? Not me. Loved your post :)

camissonia said...

Oh lord, the cat in pink wig just had me in stitches! I've got to share this with my sis (Elaine), the cat lady, who in her heyday, had more than 7 cats - meow! Anyhoo, Elaine's current only child is "Coco," whom she got as a wee little kitten from her landlady, who found her abandoned with a litter of other baby kittys. Elaine slathered undue attention on her beloved Coco, bedecking her with pink jeweled collars, bows, and other princessy accoutrements. That is, until she found out from the vet a year later that Coco had boy parts. Damn cat turned out to be a boy underneath that dense fur coat. Oh well. He's still wearing pink and proud of it!

Kyna said...

Zoe: They are pretty cool :D Like I said, everyone in my area seems to be growing it this year. Seas of cotton everywhere...I swear, I'll never get used to this place lol

Camissonia: Hey, there's nothing wrong with a tranny cat :D I believe the cat above is a boy too. Came from someone's blog, and I think the woman called him 'Mr. Pink'. Tranny cats unite!