Wednesday, July 14, 2010

Ain't Too Proud To Beg

It's that time of the month again.


I hate that time of the month.

I'm crabby.

My back hurts.

I'm dog tired.

And not just any dog either, but one of those fugly Chinese Crested dogs.

What was that? I should keep my female problems to myself?

What are you talking...?

Oh. Where's your mind at?

I'm not talking about that!

I'm talking about Changeover Tuesday. The special level of hell reserved for Music Department Managers. Dante's editor made him cut that part out of his little poem...thought it wouldn't be exciting enough.

Let ME tell you about it.

On the first (and sometimes the second like yesterday's was) Tuesday of every month, I have to change out every promotion and display in my department. I don't mean to brag about the size of my department, but it's pretty damn skippy.

What does changeover day consist of? A lot of bending, squatting, scurrying, lifting, toting, and peeling. Like Zumba, but without the cute music and there's less ass shaking.

Picture someone untying a helium-filled balloon, and letting it go. The balloon fartily swirls around the room in an unpredictable frenzy, before coming to a sad, limp, wrinkly, deflated demise on the ground.

That's me on changeover (except I'm way less farty). For 10 hours straight. Half an inch of cheap rubber between my feet and the concrete floor. Needy customers. No coffee breaks.

What brought this on besides my penchant for complaining?

Tracy @ Gardening Obsession asked me if I was ever "not funny".

You guys know me by now, I have to crack a joke at everything. I leap at the chance to make a witty quip.

The Humour Hamster is constantly sprinting on his little wheel in my head.

On one Tuesday of every month he gets tired of my shit, quits running, packs up his little hamster-sized suitcase and tells me he's going to stay at his mother's.

For that entire day, I'm a black hole of humour. People orbit tentatively around me, for fear of being sucked into oblivion.

For example, I could totally make some immature joke about that last sentence, but it's just not in me on changeover day.

I don't like being like this. It just doesn't feel natural. What's a girl to do?

Beg. Lots of begging.

I went over to his mother's last night, and bribed Hammy with a present. He came back to me.

"I'm sorreh babeh, I'll never do it again! Come home to Mama!"

And I'm back! The sense of humour's BACK! If you listen very closely, you can hear the squeak of the wheel...

Till next month. *sigh*

I totally shouldn't be complaining. It's storming outside (finally!), and I have two days off. I'll be able to get into my garden to weed. Or nap if I want to, which is more likely.

And I have better luck than my new garden buddy Zoe @ Pearled Earth. Murphy's Law? Murph really got her good the other day. Go read that post, she's hilarious and is one of my new favourite blogs to follow.


Heather said...

Hmmm, imagine everybody in their underwear? I dunno.

Kyna said...

I'm always imagining people in their underwear. So I'm kind of desensitized in that way ;)

Turling said...

I haven't heard "fugly" in year's. Oh, good times.

Laura said...

Hey I hear you! I have one of those hamster's too. I was cracking wise through my first labour. Nurse politely told me that I must not be in that much pain. Clearly she didn't understand the scope of my hamster's wheel ;)

Curbstone Valley Farm said...

I hate to break this to you, but even at 'that time of the month''re still funny! Next month, maybe try some Zumba music and extra butt shaking on Changeover Tuesday? :P

Kyna said...

Turling: Well, I have been described as uber-retro. I'm happy to put the ugly back in 'fugly'.

Laura: Nurse was totally jealous! I'm sure your hamster wheel is a behemoth. Now I'm jealous!

CVF: You shoulda seen me yesterday. Some new people came to work for us in the last couple of months. When they first meet me, I think I give the impression that I'm NEVER serious. Which is probably a mistake. Because when they see me on changeover day they look like little gladiators facing a tiger. So stressful, my face looks pinched all day long. I'll try your suggestion lol.

Kris said...

Honestly, that hamster has your eyes....

Kyna said...

And my hair colour too! I love my little Hammy...

Pam's English Garden said...

Kyra, You are the best! Whenever I'm having a 'changeover Tuesday' type of a day, I just head over to your blog! Laughter is definitely the best medicine and you make me crack up every time. Pam

Kyna said...

Aw, shucks. You're making me blush :D

Jayne said...

I hope the humor hamster doesn't desert you next changeover day.

Zoe said...

Kyna, I giggled all the way through your post and then grinned at the last paragraph. Thank you - it makes all that stinky stuff that happened worth it :)

Kimberly said...

I need one of those hamsters...I'm just slap happy because my life is nuts!!

Your humor is absolutely fantastic, so I'm glad Hammy has not abandoned you. But honestly, everyone deserves at least one day off a month, don't you think? Instead of focusing on lack of humor, you should call it "be nice to hammy day". He can't be expected to run on that wheel every day of the year, you know!!

BTW...I still say fugly. It's a great word!

debsgarden said...

If you are grumpy only once a month, you are doing well! Love that hamster! And thanks for leading me to Pearled Earth! I enjoyed her latest post and look forward to more!

The Idiot Gardener said...

I found that when mundane work tasks get me down, some psychedellic drugs, a quart of Tequilla and a very sharp knife tend to get me through the day.

Of course, now I'm older and wiser, I sometimes don't bother to sharpen the knife as much as I did when I was younger.

GardenJoy4Me said...

OMG ! Kyna girl ... I so feel sorry for you with that dreaded Tuesday coming EVERY damn month ? .. how about we start a movement banning Tuesdays in the week ? I think we could do it .. if we include Monday and make it a package deal ? .. I'm damn sure it could happen .. so I'll start the petition and we will steam roller it through .. add the MacKenzie Brothers to it and it is a sure deal ? .. love all the quips and I could NEVER not find you hilarious girl .. you were born cracking jokes as the dragged you out of your mom ! LOL
Joy .. in the midst of chaos at the castle here .. pre daughter-in-law flying in for a visit .. so of course I will make the boys lives hell until this house is CLEAN and Sparklie ???? I'm dizzy just thinking about it all ? wink wink
I'll get right on that petition !!

Al said...

Culture alert: what does "pretty damn skippy mean"?
Down this way a skippy is a kangaroo, which kinda doesn't make sense.

I've got an award for you. Find the details over at my blog


Publish or Perish

Kyna said...

Jayne: Well, if I keep feeding him enough, maybe his self-esteem will plummet and he won't leave me anymore. That's the plan. Underhanded, but hey, you do what you gotta do. :)

Zoe: You're welcome! Someone who has a day like that deserves to vent to as many people as possible. Your blog is awesome :)

Kimberly: I assumed Lola was your Hammy :D And you do seem like a pretty happy person, that's why I like visiting your blog.

Deb: Well keep your dirty (cause you're a gardener, get it?) hands offa him! He's mine! MINE!

:D I'm glad you liked Zoe's blog. I swear I really have to remember to feature the blogs I like on here more often. I used to think, 'It's not like anyone's reading my blog anyway, so what's the point?' lol. But now it seems that people want to read my drivel...

IG: Hm...I think if I dropped acid or ate mushrooms at work, people MIGHT notice. Maybe. I don't take drugs. Look how I am normally. Can you imagine? O_O

The knife though. I could probably get away with that. I live in a town full of Marines. Everyone carries a knife. Old ladies carry knives. Priests carry knives.

Joy: I would LOVE to just have my Monday and Tuesday all rolled into one...and then have them give me 4 days off for the trouble! :D

I'm going to tell my mum that you said that, she will completely agree with you LOL. My grandparents lived about 8 hours away from us, and we'd drive to see them a couple of times a year. When I was a small kid, she'd sit me in the front seat and she said she loved to chat with me the whole way there because I'd say the funniest things. I was a very well behaved child. :P

Good luck getting everything ready for the D-I-L's visit! :)

Al: I meant that my whole department is filled with kangaroos on changeover day. That's what makes it so difficult. :)

Haha! I love culture slang differences. Damn skippy could mean a couple of things. Just could mean 'awesome', a 'big deal', or even mean 'hell yes'.
Thanks for the award, it might take me awhile to get to, just like you! lol

Jayne said...

Oh I enjoyed this! Thank you so much for directing me to it in your comment. This is exactly how it feels, except I need to think who my 'Hammy' is. I think it is an iridescent little flower fairy, forever railing at having to wear corporate clothes and not being free to just create sparkles. I try to tell it that sparkles just don't pay the bills but it tells me that is just adult-speak nonsense, and then it goes 'ooo champagne!' so I can't win!